Contents

 

Twelfth Night

by William Shakespeare

Easiest-to-Read Edition

 

 

 

Twelfth Night



Twelfth Night Easiest-to-Read Edition

 

Table of Contents

Act 1. 2

Act 1. Scene 1. Duke Orsino’s palace. 2

Act 1, Scene 2. The sea coast 6

Act 1. Scene 3. Olivia’s house. 11

Act 1. Scene 4. Duke Orsino’s palace. 22

Act 1. Scene 5. Olivia’s house. 26

Act 2. 48

Act 2. Scene 1. The seacoast 48

Act 2. Scene 2. A street 51

Act 2. Scene 3. Olivia’s house. 54

Act 2. Scene 4. Duke Orsino’s palace. 68

Act 2. Scene 5. Olivia’s garden. 78

Act 3. 92

Act 3. Scene 1. Olivia’s garden. 92

Act 3. Scene 2. Olivia’s house. 105

Act 3. Scene 3. A street 110

Act 3. Scene 4. Olivia’s garden. 114

Act 4. 139

Act 4. Scene 1. Before Olivia’s house. 139

Act 4. Scene 2. Olivia’s house. 144

Act 4. Scene 3. Olivia’s garden. 153

Act 5. 155

Act 5. Scene 1. Before Olivia’s house. 155

 

 


 

Act 1

Act 1. Scene 1. Duke Orsino’s palace

 

Enter ORSINOCURIO, and other lords, musicians playing

 

ORSINO

If music be the food of love, play on.

Give me excess of it [so] that, surfeiting,
surfeiting=getting too much

The appetite may sicken and so die.

That strain again, it had a dying fall.
strain=musical passage
dying fall=sad ending

Oh, it came o'er my ear like the sweet sound

That breathes upon a bank of violets,

Stealing and giving odor. Enough, no more.

'Tis not so sweet now as it was before.

O, spirit of love, how quick and fresh art thou
quick =lively

[in] That, notwithstanding thy capacity

[that] Receiveth as the sea, nought enters there,
as the sea=unlimited

Of what validity and pitch soe'er,

But falls into abatement and low price
abatement and low price=lessening in power and value

Even in a minute. So full of shapes is fancy
fancy=love

That it alone is high fantastical.
high fantastical=in the heights of imagination

 

CURIO

Will you go hunt, my lord?

 

ORSINO

What, Curio?

 

CURIO

The hart.

 

ORSINO

Why, so I do, the noblest [part] that I have.
(where Curio means hart=a stag, Orsino means, a heart)

Oh, when mine eyes did see Olivia first,

Methought she purged the air of pestilence.

That instant was I turned into a hart,
(Orsino was like Actaeon, who was turned into a hart (stag) and was killed by his own hounds)

And my desires, like fell and cruel hounds,
fell=savage

E'er since pursue me.

Enter VALENTINE

How now! What news from her?

 

VALENTINE

So please my lord, I might not be admitted (was not admitted),

But from her handmaid do return this answer:

The element (the sky) itself, till seven years' heat,

Shall not behold her face at ample view,

But, like a cloistress, she will veiled walk
cloistress=nun

And water once a day her chamber round

With eye-offending brine (stinging tears)—all this to season

A brother’s dead love, which she would keep fresh

And lasting in her sad remembrance.
(food is preserved with brine)
re-mem-ber-ance

 

ORSINO

O, she that hath a heart of that fine frame

To pay this debt of love but to a [mere] brother,

How will she love, when the rich golden shaft (Cupid’s arrow)
(a golden arrow produces love, whereas a lead one produces loathing)

Hath killed the flock of all affections else

That live in her, when liver, brain, and heart,

These sovereign thrones, are all supplied and filled

Her sweet perfections with one self king!
per-fec-ti-ons
(and her sweet perfections filled with one self king)
(only Orsino will remain in her affections)

Away before me to sweet beds of flowers.

Love thoughts lie rich when canopied with bowers.
bowers=frameworks for climbing plants

Exeunt


 

Act 1, Scene 2. The sea coast

 

Enter VIOLA, a CAPTAIN, and sailors

 

VIOLA

What country, friends, is this?

 

CAPTAIN

This is Illyria, lady.

 

VIOLA

And what should I do in Illyria?

My brother he is in Elysium.
Elysium=heaven

Perchance he is not drown’d.—What think you, sailors?

 

CAPTAIN

It is perchance that you yourself were saved.

 

VIOLA

O, my poor brother! And so perchance may he be.

 

CAPTAIN

True, madam. And, to comfort you with chance,

Assure yourself, after our ship did split,

When you and those poor number saved with you

Hung on our driving boat, I saw your brother,
driving boat=lifeboat driven by the wind

Most provident in peril, bind himself,
most provident=showing great foresight

Courage and hope both teaching him the practice,

To a strong mast that lived upon the sea,

Where, like Arion on the dolphin’s back,
(a dolphin rescued Arion from shipboard murderers)

I saw him hold acquaintance with the waves

So long as I could see.

 

VIOLA

(giving him money)

For saying so, there’s gold.

Mine own escape unfoldeth to my hope,
unfoldeth to my hope=makes me hope my brother might have escaped

Whereto thy speech serves for authority,

The like of him. Know’st thou this country?
the like of him=my brother likewise

 

CAPTAIN

Ay, madam, well, for I was bred and born

Not three hours' travel from this very place.

 

VIOLA

Who governs here?

 

CAPTAIN

A noble duke, in nature

As in name.

 

VIOLA

What is his name?

 

CAPTAIN

Orsino.

 

VIOLA

Orsino. I have heard my father name him.

He was a bachelor then.

 

CAPTAIN

And so is now or was so very late (recently),

For but a month ago I went from hence,

And then ’twas fresh in murmur—as, you know,
murmur=gossip

What great ones do, the less (lesser) will prattle of—

That he did seek the love of fair Olivia.

 

VIOLA

What’s she?

 

CAPTAIN

A virtuous maid, the daughter of a count

That died some twelvemonth since, then leaving her

In the protection of his son, her brother,

Who shortly also died, for whose dear love,

They say, she hath abjured (sworn off) the company

And sight of men.

 

VIOLA

Oh, that I served that lady

And might not be delivered to the world

Till I had made mine own occasion mellow,
occasion=circumstances

[and was ready to reveal] What my estate (position in life) is.

 

CAPTAIN

That were hard to compass (achieve),

Because she will admit no kind of suit,

No, not [even] the duke’s.

 

VIOLA

There is a fair behavior in thee, captain,
behavior=appearance and conduct

And, though that nature with a beauteous wall
(
a handsome outside often hides inner pollution)

Doth oft close in pollution, yet of thee

I will believe thou hast a mind that suits

With this thy fair and outward character.

I prithee—and I’ll pay thee bounteously—

Conceal me what I am and be my aid

For such disguise as haply shall become

The form of my intent. I’ll serve this duke.

Thou shall present me as an eunuch to him.

It may be worth thy pains, for I can sing

And speak to him in many sorts of music

That will allow me very worth his service.
allow me very worth=make me worthy of

What else may hap to time I will commit (submit to fate).

Only shape thou thy silence to my wit.

 

CAPTAIN

Be you his eunuch, and your mute I’ll be.

When my tongue blabs, then let mine eyes not see.

 

VIOLA

I thank thee. Lead me on.

 

Exeunt


 

Act 1. Scene 3. Olivia’s house.

 

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

What a plague means my niece, to take the death of her brother thus? I am sure care’s an enemy to life.

 

MARIA

By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier o' nights. Your cousin, my lady, takes great exceptions to your ill hours.

(in Shakespeare’s day, “niece” and “cousin” were interchangeable)

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Why, let her except, before excepted.

(legal terminology “with the exceptions aforesaid” = “I’ve heard that one before”)

 

MARIA

Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modest limits of order.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Confine? I’ll confine myself no finer than I am. These clothes are good enough to drink in, and so be these boots, too. An (if) they be not, let them hang themselves in their own straps.

 

MARIA

That quaffing and drinking will undo you. I heard my lady talk of it yesterday and of a foolish knight that you brought in one night here to be her wooer.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?

 

MARIA

Ay, he.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

He’s as tall (stalwart) a man as any ’s (any is) in Illyria.

 

MARIA

What’s that to the purpose?

(what’s the point?)

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Why, he has three thousand ducats a year.

 

MARIA

Ay, but he’ll have but a year in all these ducats. He’s a very fool and a prodigal (spendthrift).

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Fie, that you’ll say so! He plays o' the viol-de-gamboys and speaks three or four languages word for word without book and hath all the good gifts of nature.

viol-de-gamboys=facetious corruption of viola da gamba

without book=from memory

 

MARIA

He hath, indeed, almost natural, for besides that he’s a fool, he’s a great quarreler, and, but that he hath the gift of a coward to allay the gust (gusto) he hath in quarreling, ’tis thought among the prudent he would quickly have the gift of a grave.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

By this hand, they are scoundrels and substractors that say so of him. Who are they?

substractors=detractors

 

MARIA

They that add, moreover, [that] he’s drunk nightly in your company.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

With drinking healths to my niece. I’ll drink to her as long as there is a passage in my throat and drink in Illyria. He’s a coward and a coistrel (knave) that will not drink to my niece till his brains turn o' th' toe like a parish top. What, wench! Castiliano vulgo, for here comes Sir Andrew Agueface.

top=spinning toy

castiliano vulgo=Castilian mob (relevance uncertain)

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

With drinking healths to my niece. I’ll drink to her as long as there is a passage in my throat and drink in Illyria. He’s a coward and a coistrel that will not drink to my niece till his brains turn o' th' toe like a parish top. What, wench! Castiliano vulgo, for here comes Sir Andrew Agueface.

Enter SIR ANDREW

 

SIR ANDREW

Sir Toby Belch! How now, Sir Toby Belch!

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Sweet Sir Andrew!

 

SIR ANDREW

(to MARIA) Bless you, fair shrew.

 

MARIA

And you, too, sir.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Accost, Sir Andrew, accost (engage with her).

 

SIR ANDREW

What’s that?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

My niece’s chambermaid.

 

SIR ANDREW

Good Mistress Accost, I desire better acquaintance.

 

MARIA

My name is Mary, sir.

 

SIR ANDREW

Good Mistress Mary Accost—

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

You mistake, knight. “Accost” is front her, board her, woo her, assail her (naval imagery).

 

SIR ANDREW

By my troth, I would not undertake her in [front of] this company. Is that the meaning of “accost”?

 

MARIA

Fare you well, gentlemen. (She starts to exit)

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

An (if) thou let part so, Sir Andrew, would thou mightst never draw sword again.

 

SIR ANDREW

An (if) you part so, mistress, I would I might never draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you have fools in hand?
(do you think that you are dealing with fools?)

 

MARIA

Sir, I have not you by the hand.

 

SIR ANDREW

Marry (by the Virgin Mary), but you shall have, and here’s my hand.

(he offers her his hand)

 

MARIA

(taking his hand) Now, sir, thought is free. I pray you, bring your hand to the buttery-bar and let it drink.
buttery-bar=place for keeping ale and wine
let it drink=put a glass in it

 

SIR ANDREW

Wherefore (why), sweetheart? What’s your metaphor?

 

MARIA

It’s dry, sir.
(dry from age)

 

SIR ANDREW

Why, I think so. I am not such an ass but I can keep my hand dry. But what’s your jest?
(“Even a fool knows enough to come in out of the rain”)

 

MARIA

A dry jest, sir.

 

SIR ANDREW

Are you full of them?

 

MARIA

Ay, sir, I have them at my fingers' ends. Marry, now I let go your hand, I am barren (out of jokes).

Exit

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

O, knight, thou lackest a cup of canary (wine from the Canary Islands). When did I see thee so put down?

 

SIR ANDREW

Never in your life, I think, unless you see canary put me down. Methinks sometimes I have no more wit than a Christian or an ordinary man has. But I am a great eater of beef, and I believe that does harm to my wit.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

No question.

 

SIR ANDREW

An (if) I thought that, I’d forswear it (swear off red meat). I’ll ride home tomorrow,
Sir Toby.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Pourquoi (why), my dear knight?

 

SIR ANDREW

What is “pourquoi”? Do or not do? I would I had bestowed that time in the tongues (languages) that I have in fencing, dancing, and bear-baiting (sport of setting dogs on a bear). O, had I but followed the arts (liberal arts)!

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Then hadst thou had (then you would have had) an excellent head of hair.

 

SIR ANDREW

Why, would that have mended my hair?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Past question, for thou seest it will not curl by nature.

 

SIR ANDREW

But it becomes me well enough, does ’t not?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Excellent. It hangs like flax on a distaff (staff, often held between the thighs, for holding the flax). And I hope to see a housewife take thee between her legs and spin it off (spin the flax).

 

SIR ANDREW

Faith, I’ll home tomorrow, Sir Toby. Your niece will not be seen, or, if she be, it’s four to one she’ll none of me. The count (same person as the Duke) himself here hard by woos her.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

She’ll none o' the count. She’ll not match above her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit. I have heard her swear ’t. Tut, there’s life in ’t, man.

 

SIR ANDREW

I’ll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o' th' strangest mind i' th' world. I delight in masques (parties with masks) and revels (entertainments), sometimes altogether (sometimes combined).

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Art thou good at these kickshawses, knight?
kickshawses=trifles (quelque choses)

 

SIR ANDREW

As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the degree of my betters (except for those that excel me), and yet I will not compare with an old man [with more experience].

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

What is thy excellence in a galliard (quick dance), knight?

 

SIR ANDREW

Faith, I can cut a caper (dance).

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

And I can cut the mutton (lamb) to ’t (caper interpreted as a condiment).

 

SIR ANDREW

And I think I have the back-trick (backward step) simply as strong as any man in Illyria.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Wherefore (why) are these things hid? Wherefore have these gifts a curtain before 'em? Are they like to take dust, like Mistress Moll’s (Molly’s) picture? Why dost thou not go to church in a galliard (a triple-rhythm dance) and come home in a coranto (lively dance with quick, running steps)? My very walk should (would) be a jig. I would not so much as make water but in a sink (cinque)-a-pace (a form of galliard). What dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide virtues in? I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard.

 

SIR ANDREW

Ay, ’tis strong, and it does indifferent (very) well in a dun-colored stock (stocking=tights). Shall we set about some revels (festivity)?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

What shall we do else? Were we not [both] born under Taurus (sign of the zodiac)?

 

SIR ANDREW

Taurus! That’s sides and heart.

(Sir Andrew errs. That’s Leo, not Taurus.)

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

No, sir, it is legs and thighs. Let me see the caper. (Sir

Andrew dances) Ha, higher! Ha, ha, excellent!

 

Exeunt


 

Act 1. Scene 4. Duke Orsino’s palace

 

Enter VALENTINE and VIOLA in man’s attire as Cesario

 

VALENTINE

If the duke continue these favors towards you, Cesario, you are like to be much advanced. He hath known you but three days, and already you are no stranger.

 

VIOLA

You either fear his humor (disposition) or my negligence that you call in question (have doubts about) the continuance of his love. Is he inconstant, sir, in his favors?

 

VALENTINE

No, believe me.

 

VIOLA

I thank you. Here comes the count.

 

Enter ORSINOCURIO, and attendants

 

ORSINO

Who saw Cesario, ho?

 

VIOLA

On your attendance, my lord, here.

 

ORSINO

(to attendants)

Stand you awhile aloof. (to VIOLA) Cesario,

Thou know’st no less but (than) all. I have unclasped

To thee the book even of my secret soul.

Therefore, good youth, address thy gait unto her (Olivia).

Be not denied access, stand at her doors,

And tell them there thy fixed foot shall grow

Till thou have audience.

 

VIOLA

Sure, my noble lord,

If she be so abandoned to her sorrow

As it is spoke, she never will admit me.

 

ORSINO

Be clamorous and leap all civil bounds

Rather than make unprofited return.

 

VIOLA

Say I do speak with her, my lord, what then?

 

ORSINO

O, then unfold the passion of my love.

Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith.

It shall become thee well to act my woes -

She will attend it better in thy youth

Than in a nuncio’s of more grave aspect.

nuncio=messenger

 

VIOLA

I think not so, my lord.

 

ORSINO

Dear lad, believe it,

For they shall yet belie (ignore) thy happy (youthful) years

That say thou art a man. Diana’s lip

Is not more smooth and rubious (ruby-red). Thy small pipe

small pipe=flute-like voice

Is as the maiden’s organ, shrill and sound,

And all is semblative (resembles) a woman’s part.

I know thy constellation is right apt

constellation=position of the stars at birth

For this affair. 

(to CURIO and attendants)

Some four or five attend him,

All, if you will, for I myself am best

When least in company. (to VIOLA) Prosper well in this

And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord

To call his fortunes thine.

 

VIOLA

I’ll do my best

To woo your lady—(aside) Yet, a barful strife—

barful strife=hard work with an impediment

Whoe'er I woo, [instead] myself would be his wife.

 

Exeunt


 

Act 1. Scene 5. Olivia’s house

 

Enter MARIA and the FOOL

 

MARIA

Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I will not open my lips so wide as a bristle may enter in way of thy excuse. My lady will hang thee for thy absence.

 

FOOL

Let her hang me. He that is well hanged in this world needs to fear no colors.
(hanged – double meaning hanged and, also, hung)
colors=cholers (Olivia’s anger) and, also, collars (hangman’s noose)

 

MARIA

Make that good (prove it).

 

FOOL

He [who is dead] shall see none to fear.

 

MARIA

A good Lenten answer. I can tell thee where that saying was born, of “I fear no colors.”
Lenten=poor

 

FOOL

Where, good Mistress Mary?

 

MARIA

In the wars. And that may you be bold to say in your foolery.
(in the wars, when colorful banners were carried)

 

FOOL

Well, God give (gave) them wisdom that have it, and those that are fools, let them use their talents.

 

MARIA

Yet you will be hanged for being so long absent, or, to be turned away, is not that as good as a hanging to you?

 

FOOL

Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage, and, for turning away, let summer bear it out.
good hanging=both “good hanging” and “being well hung”
(we will see what summer brings)

 

MARIA

You are resolute, then?

 

FOOL

Not so, neither, but I am resolved on two points.
points=points in argument OR suspenders

 

MARIA

That if one break, the other will hold, or, if both break, your gaskins (pants) fall.

 

FOOL

Apt, in good faith, very apt. Well, go thy way. If Sir Toby would leave drinking [which is most unlikely], thou wert as witty a piece of Eve’s flesh as any in Illyria.

 

MARIA

Peace, you rogue, no more o' that. Here comes my lady.

Make your excuse wisely, you were best (if you know what’s good for you).

Exit

 

FOOL

(aside) Wit, an (if) ’t be thy will, put me into good fooling! Those wits that think they have thee do very oft prove fools, and I, that am sure I lack thee, may pass for a wise man. For what says Quinapalus (a joke name)? “Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit.”

Enter OLIVIA with MALVOLIO with attendants

God bless thee, lady!

 

OLIVIA

Take the fool away.

 

FOOL

Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady.

 

OLIVIA

Go to, you’re a dry fool. I’ll no more of you. Besides, you grow dishonest.

 

FOOL

Two faults, Madonna (mia donna), that drink and good counsel will amend. For, give the dry fool drink, then is the fool not dry. Bid the dishonest man mend himself. If he mend, he is no longer dishonest. If he cannot, let the botcher (tailor who does repairs) mend him. Anything that’s mended is but patched. Virtue that transgresses is but (merely) patched with sin, and sin that amends is but patched with virtue. If that this simple syllogism will serve, so [be it]. If it will not, what [is the] remedy? As there is no true cuckold (man with an unfaithful wife) but calamity (a cuckold is doomed to bad luck), so beauty’s a flower (doomed to wither – therefore, enjoy it while you can) (uncertain interpretation). The lady bade take away the fool. Therefore, I say again, take her away.

 

OLIVIA

Sir, I bade them take away you.

 

FOOL

Misprision (misunderstanding) in the highest degree! Lady, cucullus non facit monachum (“the cowl does not make the monk”)—that’s as much to say as I wear not motley (the Fool’s costume of patches) in my brain (I’m not a fool inwardly). Good madonna, give me leave to prove you a fool.

 

OLIVIA

Can you do it?

 

FOOL

Dexterously, good madonna.

 

OLIVIA

Make your proof.

 

FOOL

I must catechize you (ask you questions) for it, madonna. Good my mouse (my good mousie) of virtue, answer me.

 

OLIVIA

Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I’ll bide (listen to) your proof.

 

FOOL

Good madonna, why mournest thou (do you mourn)?

 

OLIVIA

Good fool, for my brother’s death.

 

FOOL

I think his soul is in hell, madonna.

 

OLIVIA

I know his soul is in heaven, Fool.

 

FOOL

The more fool [are you], madonna, to mourn for your brother’s soul being (when it is) in heaven. Take away the fool, gentlemen.

 

OLIVIA

What think you of this fool, Malvolio? Doth he not mend (improve)?

 

MALVOLIO (the name means ill-will)

Yes, and shall do till the pangs of death shake him. Infirmity (old age), that decays the wise, doth ever make the better fool (makes the fool even more foolish).

 

FOOL

God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the better increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be sworn that I am no fox (crafty fellow), but he will not pass his word (say) for two pence that you are no fool.

 

OLIVIA

How say you to that, Malvolio?

 

MALVOLIO

I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such a barren rascal.
I saw him put down (defeated) the other day with an ordinary fool that
has no more brain than a stone. Look you now, he’s out of his guard (without a response – a fencing term) already. Unless you laugh and minister occasion (provide openings) to him, he is gagged. I protest I take these wise men that crow so at these set kind of fools no better than the fools' zanies (attendants).

 

OLIVIA

Oh, you are sick of (with) self-love, Malvolio, and taste with a distempered (sick) appetite. To be generous, guiltless, and of free disposition is to take those things for bird-bolts (blunt-headed little arrows) that you deem cannon-bullets. There is no slander in an allowed fool, though he do nothing but rail (carry on). Nor no (double negative) railing in a known discreet man, though he do nothing but reprove.

 

FOOL

Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, for thou speakest well of fools!
(May Mercury, god of trickery, endow you with the gift of lying)

 

Enter MARIA

 

MARIA

Madam, there is at the gate a young gentleman much desires to speak with you.

 

OLIVIA

From the Count Orsino, is it?

 

MARIA

I know not, madam. 'Tis a fair young man and well attended.

 

OLIVIA

Who of my people hold him in delay?

 

MARIA

Sir Toby, madam, your kinsman.

 

OLIVIA

Fetch him off (send him away), I pray you. He speaks nothing but madman (nonsense). Fie on him!

Exit MARIA

Go you, Malvolio. If it be a suit from the count, I am sick or not at home. [do] What you will to dismiss it.

Exit MALVOLIO

Now you see, sir, how your fooling grows old and people dislike it.

 

FOOL

Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest son should be a fool, whose skull Jove cram with brains, for— here he comes—one of thy kin has a most weak pia mater (brain).

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH

 

OLIVIA

By mine honor, half-drunk. What is he at the gate, cousin?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

A gentleman.

 

OLIVIA

A gentleman? What gentleman?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

'Tis a gentleman here—(he belches) a plague o' these pickled herring!

How now, sot!

 

FOOL

Good Sir Toby!

 

OLIVIA

Cousin, cousin, how have you come so early by this lethargy?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Lechery! I defy lechery. There’s one at the gate.

 

OLIVIA

Ay, marry (by the Virgin Mary), what is he?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Let him be the devil, an (if) he will, I care not. Give me faith [with which to resist the devil], say I. Well, it’s all one.

Exit

 

OLIVIA

What’s a drunken man like, fool?

 

FOOL

Like a drowned man, a fool, and a madman. One draught (cup of wine) above heat (above its warming you up) makes him a fool, the second mads (enrages) him, and a third drowns him (makes him insensible).

 

OLIVIA

Go thou and seek the crowner (coroner) and let him sit (hold an inquest) o' my coz, for he’s in the third degree of drink, he’s drowned. Go look after him.

 

FOOL

He is but mad yet, madonna, and the fool shall look to the madman.

Exit

Enter MALVOLIO

 

MALVOLIO

Madam, yond young fellow swears he will speak with you. I told him you were sick. He takes on him to understand so much, and, therefore, comes to speak with you. I told him you were asleep. He seems to have a foreknowledge of that, too, and, therefore, comes to speak with you. What is to be said to him, lady? He’s fortified against any denial.

 

OLIVIA

Tell him he shall not speak with me.

 

MALVOLIO

H’as (he has) been told so, and he says he’ll stand at your door like a sheriff’s post and be the supporter to a bench, but he’ll speak with you.
sheriff’s post=a decorative post set outside a sheriff’s door
be the supporter to a bench=be on hand as at a judge’s court

OLIVIA

What kind o' man is he?

 

MALVOLIO

Why, of mankind.

 

OLIVIA

What manner of man?

 

MALVOLIO

Of very ill manner. He’ll speak with you, will you or no.

 

OLIVIA

Of what personage and years is he?

 

MALVOLIO

Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enough for a boy, as a squash (unripe pea pod) is before ’tis a pea pod or a codling (unripe apple) when ’tis almost an apple. 'Tis with him in standing water, between boy and man. He is very well-favored, and he speaks very shrewishly (sharply). One would think his mother’s milk were scarce out of him.

 

OLIVIA

Let him approach. Call in my gentlewoman.

 

MALVOLIO

Gentlewoman, my lady calls.

Exit

Enter MARIA

 

OLIVIA

Give me my veil. Come, throw it o'er my face. (OLIVIA puts on a veil) We’ll once more hear Orsino’s embassy (message).

Enter VIOLA with attendants

 

VIOLA

The honorable lady of the house, which is she?

 

OLIVIA

Speak to me. I shall answer for her. Your will?

 

VIOLA

Most radiant, exquisite, and unmatchable beauty—I pray you, tell me if this be the lady of the house, for I never saw her. I would be loath to cast away my speech, for, besides that it is excellently well penned, I have taken great pains to con (memorize) it. Good beauties, let me sustain no scorn. I am very comptible (thin skinned), even to the least sinister (rude) usage.

 

OLIVIA

Whence came you, sir?

 

VIOLA

I can say little more than I have studied (memorized), and that question’s out of my part (not part of what I have memorized). Good gentle one, give me modestd (reasonable) assurance if you be the lady of the house, [so] that I may proceed in my speech.

 

OLIVIA

Are you a comedian?

 

VIOLA

No, my profound heart (i.e., Olivia). And yet, by the very fangs of malice (an oath), I swear I am not that [which] I play. Are you the lady of the house?

 

OLIVIA

If I do not usurp myself, I am.

 

VIOLA

Most certain, if you are she, you do usurp yourself, for what is yours to bestow is not yours to reserve. But this is from my commission. I will on with my speech in your praise and then show you the heart of my message.

 

OLIVIA

Come to what is important in ’t. I forgive you (excuse you from) the praise.

 

VIOLA

Alas, I took great pains to study (memorize) it, and ’tis poetical.

 

OLIVIA

It is the more like to be feigned (insincere). I pray you, keep it in. I heard you were saucy at my gates and allowed your approach rather to wonder at you than to hear you. If you be but mad, be gone. If you have reason, be brief. 'Tis not that time of moon with me to make one [join] in so skipping a dialogue.
(It was thought that phases of the moon had an influence on one’s disposition.)

 

MARIA

Will you hoist sail (sail away), sir? Here lies your way.

 

VIOLA

No, good swabber, I am to hull (float) here a little longer. [May I suggest some] mollification (sweetening) for your giant (i.e., little Maria), sweet lady.

 

OLIVIA

Tell me your mind.

 

VIOLA

I am a messenger.

 

OLIVIA

Sure, you have some hideous matter to deliver, when the courtesy of it (the courteous manner of its introduction) is so fearful. Speak your office.

 

VIOLA

It alone concerns your ear (your ear alone). I bring no overture of war, no taxation of homage (demand for tribute). I hold the olive [branch of peace] in my hand. My words are as full of peace as matter (anything meaningful).

 

OLIVIA

Yet you began rudely. What are you? What would you?

 

VIOLA

The rudeness that hath appeared in me have I learned from my entertainment (the way that you have received me). What I am and what I would are as secret as maidenhead (my virginity). To your ears, divinity (religious discourse). To any other’s, profanation.

 

OLIVIA

Give us the place alone. We will hear this divinity.

Exeunt MARIA and attendants

Now, sir, what is your text (passage of holy scripture)?

 

VIOLA

Most sweet lady—

 

OLIVIA

A comfortable doctrine, and much may be said of it (you can expand upon it). Where lies your text?

 

VIOLA

In Orsino’s bosom.

 

OLIVIA

In his bosom? In what chapter of his bosom?

 

VIOLA

To answer by the method (systematic presentation of a sermon), in the first [chapter] of his heart.

 

OLIVIA

Oh, I have read it. It is heresy. Have you no more to say?

 

VIOLA

Good madam, let me see your face.

 

OLIVIA

Have you any commission from your lord to negotiate with my face? You are now out of your text (memorized speech). But we will draw [back] the curtain and show you the picture. Look you, sir, such a one I was this present. Is ’t not well done?

OLIVIA removes her veil

 

VIOLA

Excellently done, if God did all (if it’s all natural).

 

OLIVIA

'Tis in grain (permanent), sir. 'Twill endure wind and weather.

 

VIOLA

'Tis beauty truly blent, whose red and white

Nature’s own sweet and cunning hand laid on.

Lady, you are the cruel’st she (woman) alive

If you will lead these graces to the grave

And leave the world no copy.

 

OLIVIA

O, sir, I will not be so hard-hearted. I will give out divers schedules (inventories) of my beauty. It shall be inventoried, and every particle and utensil (particular and item) labeled (added) to my will, as, item, two lips indifferent red; item, two grey eyes, with lids to them [like lids to pots and pans]; item, one neck, one chin, and so forth. Were you sent hither to praise me (meaning, also, appraise)?

 

VIOLA

I see you what you are, you are too proud.

But, [even] if you were the devil, you are fair.

My lord and master loves you. Oh, such love [is so powerful that it]

Could [only] be but [evenly] recompensed, [even] though you were crowned

The nonpareil (without equal) of beauty.

 

OLIVIA

How does he love me?

 

VIOLA

With adorations, fertile (abundant) tears,

With groans that thunder love, with sighs of fire.

 

OLIVIA

Your lord does know my mind. I cannot love him.

Yet, I suppose him virtuous, know him noble,

Of great estate, of fresh and stainless youth.

In voices (reputation) well divulged (well spoken of), free, learned, and valiant,

And in dimension and the shape of nature

A gracious person. But yet I cannot love him.

He might have took his answer long ago.

 

VIOLA

If I did love you in (as much as) my master’s flame,

With such a suffering [as his], such a deadly life,

In your denial I would find no sense.

I would not understand it.

 

OLIVIA

Why, what would you?

 

VIOLA

Make me a willow cabin at your gate

(willow was a symbol of unrequited love)

And call upon my soul within the house,

Write loyal cantons of contemned love,

cantons=songs

contemned=spurned

And sing them loud even in the dead of night.

Halloo your name to the reverberate hills

reverberate=echoing

And make the babbling gossip of the air

(all that was left of Echo was her voice)

Cry out “Olivia!” Oh, you should not rest

should=would

Between the elements of air and earth,

(anywhere on earth)

But you should pity me.

 

OLIVIA

Get you to your lord.

I cannot love him. Let him send no more—

Unless perchance you come to me again

To tell me how he takes it. Fare you well.

I thank you for your pains. Spend this (money) for me.

OLIVIA offers VIOLA money

 

VIOLA

I am no fee’d post, lady. Keep your purse.

fee’d post=paid messenger

My master, not myself, lacks recompense.

Love make his heart of flint that you shall love,

his heart=the heart of him whom you shall love

And let your fervor, like my master’s, be

Placed in contempt. Farewell, fair cruelty.

placed in contempt=spurned

Exit

 

OLIVIA

[I asked him] “What is your parentage?”

“Above my fortunes, yet my state is well.

I am a gentleman.” I’ll be sworn thou art.

Thy tongue, thy face, thy limbs, actions, and spirit

Do give thee fivefold blazon. Not too fast! Soft, soft!

blazon=coat-of-arms (authentication as a gentleman five times over)

Unless the master were the man. How now?

(maybe he is his master in disguise)

Even so quickly may one catch the plague?

Methinks I feel this youth’s perfections

With an invisible and subtle stealth

To creep in at mine eyes. Well, let it be.—

What ho, Malvolio!

Enter MALVOLIO

 

MALVOLIO

Here, madam, at your service.

 

OLIVIA

Run after that same peevish messenger,

The county’s (Duke’s) man. He left this ring behind him,

Would I or not. Tell him I’ll none of it.

would I or not=whether I wanted it or not

OLIVIA hands him a ring

Desire him not to flatter with his lord

flatter with=encourage

Nor hold him up with hopes. I am not for him.

If that the youth will come this way tomorrow,

I’ll give him reasons for ’t. Hie thee, Malvolio.

 

MALVOLIO

Madam, I will.

Exit

 

OLIVIA

I do I know not what and fear to find

Mine eye too great a flatterer for my mind.

mine eye=my senses

Fate, show thy force. Ourselves we do not own.

What is decreed must be, and be this so.

Exit


 

Act 2

Act 2. Scene 1. The seacoast

 

Enter ANTONIO and SEBASTIAN

 

ANTONIO

Will you stay no longer, nor will you not that I go with you?
(nor… not = nor)

 

SEBASTIAN

By your patience, no. My stars shine darkly over me. The malignancy of my fate might perhaps distemper yours. Therefore, I shall crave of you your leave that I may bear my evils alone. It were a bad recompense for your love to lay any of them on you.

 

ANTONIO

Let me yet know of you whither you are bound.

 

SEBASTIAN

No, sooth (truly), sir. My determinate (intended) voyage is mere extravagancy (wandering). But I perceive in you so excellent a touch of modesty that you will not extort from me what (that which) I am willing (prefer) to keep in. Therefore, it (Antonio’s modesty) charges me in manners (for the sake of good manners) the rather to express myself. You must know of me then, Antonio, my name is Sebastian, which I called Roderigo. My father was that Sebastian of Messaline, whom I know you have heard of. He left behind him myself and a sister, both born in an hour. If the heavens had been pleased, would we had so ended! But you, sir, altered that, for some hour before you took me from the breach (breaking waves) of the sea was my sister drowned.

 

ANTONIO

Alas the day!

 

SEBASTIAN

A lady, sir, though it was said she much resembled me, was yet of (by) many accounted beautiful. But though I could not with such estimable wonder overfar believe that, yet thus far I will boldly publish her (make her known): she bore a mind that envy could not but call fair. She is drowned already, sir, with salt water, though I seem to drown her remembrance again with more (tears).

 

ANTONIO

Pardon me, sir, your bad entertainment (the humble hospitality I have given you).

 

SEBASTIAN

O good Antonio, forgive me your trouble (the trouble I have caused you).

 

ANTONIO

If you will (would) not murder me for my love [by separating from me], let me be your servant.

 

SEBASTIAN

If you will (would) not undo what you have done—that is, kill him whom you have recovered (rescued)—desire it not. Fare you well at once. My bosom is full of kindness, and I am yet so near the manners of my mother that upon the least occasion more mine eyes (tears) will tell tales of me. I am bound to the Count Orsino’s court. Farewell.

 

Exit

 

ANTONIO

The gentleness of all the gods go with thee!

I have many enemies in Orsino’s court,

Else would I very shortly see thee there.

But, come what may, I do adore thee so

That danger shall seem sport, and I will go.

Exit


 

Act 2. Scene 2. A street

 

Enter VIOLAMALVOLIO following

 

MALVOLIO

Were not you even now with the Countess Olivia?

 

VIOLA

Even now, sir. On a moderate pace I have since arrived but hither.

 

MALVOLIO

She returns this ring to you, sir. You might have saved me my pains to have taken it away yourself. She adds, moreover, that you should put your lord into a desperate assurance she will none of him. And one thing more, that you be never so hardy (bold) to come again in his affairs (on behalf of him, the Duke) unless it be to report your lord’s taking of this. Receive it so.

 

VIOLA

She took the ring of me. I’ll none of it.
(a lie to mislead Malvolio)

 

MALVOLIO

Come, sir, you peevishly threw it to her, and her will is it should be so returned. (He throws down the ring) If it be worth stooping for, there it lies in your eye. If not, be it his that finds it.

Exit

 

VIOLA

I left no ring with her. What means this lady?

Fortune forbid [that] my outside have (not) charmed her!

She made good view of me, indeed so much

That sure methought her eyes had lost her tongue,

For she did speak in starts distractedly.

She loves me, sure! The cunning of her passion
cunning=craftiness

Invites me in this churlish messenger.
invites=encourages
in=by means of

None of my lord’s ring? Why, he sent her none.

I am the man. If it be so, as ’tis,
the man=the man she loves

Poor lady, she were better love a dream.

Disguise, I see thou art a wickedness

Wherein the pregnant enemy does much.
pregnant enemy=resourceful devil

How easy is it for the proper false [men]
In women’s waxen hearts to set their forms!
waxen hearts=hearts like sealing wax
(to stamp their images in the wax of women’s hearts)

Alas, our frailty is the cause, not we,

For such as we are made of, such we be.

How will this fadge? My master loves her dearly,
fadge=end up

And I, poor monster, fond (dote) as much on him
monster=a mix of man and woman

As she, mistaken, seems to dote on me.

What will become of this? As I am man,

My state is desperate for my master’s love.
desperate=hopeless

As I am woman, now, alas the day,

What thriftless sighs shall poor Olivia breathe!
thriftless=fruitless

O time, thou must untangle this, not I.

It is too hard a knot for me to untie!

Exit


 

Act 2. Scene 3. Olivia’s house

 

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and SIR ANDREW

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Approach, Sir Andrew. Not to be abed after midnight is to be up betimes (early), and diluculo surgere (“To get up at dawn is very healthful”), thou know’st,—

 

SIR ANDREW

Nay, my troth (upon my word), I know not. But I know to be up late is to be up late.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

A false conclusion. I hate it as [much as] an unfilled can (an empty drinking cup). To be up after midnight and to go to bed then, is early, so that to go to bed after midnight is to go to bed betimes. Does not our life consist of the four elements (earth, water, fire, air)?

 

SIR ANDREW

Faith, so they say, but I think it rather consists of eating and drinking.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Thou'rt a scholar (very knowledgeable). Let us therefore eat and drink. Marian, I say! A stoup (large tankard) of wine!

Enter FOOL

 

SIR ANDREW

Here comes the fool, i' faith.

 

FOOL

How now, my hearts! Did you never see the picture of “We
Three” (a picture of two asses’ heads plus a mirror)?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Welcome, ass. Now let’s have a catch (music for three voices).

 

SIR ANDREW

By my troth, the fool has an excellent breath (voice). I had rather than forty shillings I had such a leg [for dancing] and so sweet a breath to sing as the fool has.—(to the FOOL) In sooth, thou wast in very gracious fooling last night when thou spokest of Pigrogromitus, of the Vapians passing the equinoctial of Queubus (fake scholarly language). 'Twas very good, i' faith. I sent thee sixpence for thy leman (sweetheart). Hadst it (did you receive it)?

 

FOOL

I did impeticos (pocket) thy gratillity (gratuity), for Malvolio’s nose is no whipstock (whip handle). My lady has a white hand, and the Myrmidons (name of a low-class tavern) are no bottle-ale houses (nonsense talk).

 

SIR ANDREW

Excellent! Why, this is the best fooling when all is done.

Now, a song.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(giving money to the FOOL)
Come on. There is sixpence for you. Let’s have a song.

 

SIR ANDREW

(giving money to the FOOL)
There’s a testril (little sixpence) of me, too. If one knight give a—

 

FOOL

Would you have a love song or a song of good life?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

A love song, a love song.

 

FOOL

(sings)

O mistress mine, where are you roaming?

O, stay and hear! Your true love’s coming,

That can sing both high and low.

Trip no further, pretty sweeting.

Journeys end in lovers meeting,

Every wise man’s son doth know.
proverb: Wise men have foolish sons

 

SIR ANDREW

Excellent good, i' faith.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Good, good.

 

FOOL

(sings)

What is love? 'Tis not hereafter.

Present mirth hath present laughter.

What’s to come is still unsure.
still=always

In delay there lies no plenty.

Then, come kiss me, sweet and twenty.
sweet and twenty=sweet and twenty times more sweet

Youth’s a stuff will not endure.

 

SIR ANDREW

A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

A contagious breath.
(a noticeable breath)

 

SIR ANDREW

Very sweet and contagious, i' faith.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion (even the air smells sweet). But shall we make the welkin (sky) dance, indeed? Shall we rouse the night owl in a catch (song) that will draw three souls (vegetal, sensible, and rational) out of one weaver (weavers liked psalms more than catches)? Shall we do that?

 

SIR ANDREW

An (if) you love me, let’s do ’t. I am dog (an expert) at a catch.

 

FOOL

By 'r lady, sir, and some dogs will [play] catch well.

 

SIR ANDREW

Most certain. Let our catch be “Thou Knave.”

 

FOOL

“Hold thy peace, thou knave,” knight? I shall be constrained in ’t to call thee knave, knight.

 

SIR ANDREW

'Tis not the first time I have constrained one to call me
“knave.” Begin, Fool. It begins “Hold thy peace.”

 

FOOL

I shall never begin if I hold my peace.

 

SIR ANDREW

Good, i' faith. Come, begin.

Catch sung

Enter MARIA

 

MARIA

What a caterwauling (cat-fight noise) do you keep here! If my lady have not called up her steward, Malvolio, and bid him turn you out of doors, never trust me.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(makes fun of Maria’s use of “my lady”) My lady’s a Cathayan (Chinese) [for all I care]. We are politicians, Malvolio’s a Peg-a-Ramsey (a character in a coarse ballad) and (sings) Three Merry Men Be We.—Am not I consanguineous (related by blood)? Am I not of her blood? Tillyvally! “Lady”! (sings) There dwelt a man in Babylon, lady, lady!

 

FOOL

Beshrew me, the knight’s in admirable fooling.

 

SIR ANDREW

Ay, he does well enough if he be disposed, and so do I, too.

He does it with a better grace, but I do it more natural.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(sings) O' the twelfth day of December—

 

MARIA

For the love o' God, peace!

Enter MALVOLIO

 

MALVOLIO

My masters, are you mad? Or what are you? Have you no wit, manners, nor honesty but to gabble like tinkers (menders of utensils known for their drinking) at this time of night? Do you make an alehouse of my lady’s house, that you squeak out your coziers' (shoemakers) catches without any mitigation or remorse of voice? Is there no respect of place, persons, nor time in you?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up (buzz off)!

 

MALVOLIO

Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady bade me tell you that, though she harbors you as her kinsman, she’s nothing allied to your disorders. If you can separate yourself and your misdemeanors, you are welcome to the house. If not, an it would please you to take leave of her, she is very willing to bid you farewell.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(sings) Farewell, dear heart, since I must needs be gone.

 

MARIA

Nay, good Sir Toby.

 

FOOL

(singsHis eyes do show his days are almost done.

 

MALVOLIO

Is ’t even so?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(singsBut I will never die.

 

FOOL

(singsSir Toby, there you lie.

 

MALVOLIO

This is much credit to you.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(sings) Shall I bid him go?

 

FOOL

(sings) What an if you do?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(sings) Shall I bid him go and spare not?

 

FOOL

(sings) O no, no, no, no, you dare not.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Out o' tune, sir. You lie. (to MALVOLIO) Art any more than a steward (household servant)? Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous there shall be no more cakes and ale?

 

FOOL

Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger [often added to ale] shall be hot i' the mouth, too.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Thou'rt i' the right. (to MALVOLIO) Go, sir, rub your chain (symbol of household authority) with crumbs. A stoup of wine, Maria!

 

MALVOLIO

Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady’s favor at anything more than contempt, you would not give means for this uncivil rule. She shall know of it, by this hand.

Exit

 

MARIA

Go shake your ears [like a donkey’s]!

 

SIR ANDREW

'Twere as good a deed as to drink when a man’s a-hungry [he means thirsty] to challenge him the field (challenge Malvolio to a duel) and then to break promise with him and make a fool of him.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Do ’t, knight. I’ll write thee a challenge, or I’ll deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth.

 

MARIA

Sweet Sir Toby, be patient for tonight. Since the youth of the count’s was today with thy lady, she is much out of quiet. For Monsieur Malvolio, let me alone with him. If I do not gull (trick) him into an aye-word (saying something out of line?) and make him a common recreation (laughing stock), do not think I have wit enough to lie straight in my bed. I know I can do it.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Possess us, possess us, tell us something of him.

 

MARIA

Marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of puritan.

 

SIR ANDREW

O, if I thought that, I’d beat him like a dog!

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

What, for being a puritan? Thy exquisite reason, dear knight?

 

SIR ANDREW

I have no exquisite reason for ’t, but I have reason good enough.

 

MARIA

The devil a puritan that he is (the devil he’s a puritan) or anything constantly (consistently) but a time-pleaser (follower of fashion), an affectioned ass (full of affectation) that cons state (copies those with status) without book (randomly) and utters it by great swaths, the best persuaded of himself (having a high opinion of himself), so crammed, as he thinks, with excellencies that it is his grounds of faith that all that look on him love him, and on that vice in him will my revenge find notable cause to work.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

What wilt thou do?

 

MARIA

I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of love, wherein by the color of his beard, the shape of his leg, the manner of his gait, the expressure of his eye, forehead, and complexion, he shall find himself most feelingly personated. I can write very like my lady your niece. On a forgotten matter we can hardly make distinction of our hands (handwriting).

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Excellent! I smell a device.

 

SIR ANDREW

I have ’t in my nose, too.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop, that they come from my niece and that she’s in love with him.

 

MARIA

My purpose is, indeed, a horse of that color.

 

SIR ANDREW

And your horse now would make him an ass.

 

MARIA

Ass (as) I doubt not.

 

SIR ANDREW

Oh, ’twill be admirable!

 

MARIA

Sport royal, I warrant you. I know my physic (medicine) will work with him. I will plant you two, and let the fool make a third, where he shall find the letter. Observe his construction of it (his reaction to it). For this night, to bed and dream on the event. Farewell.

Exit

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Good night, Penthesilea (an Amazon).

 

SIR ANDREW

Before me (an oath, such as by heaven), she’s a good wench.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

She’s a beagle, true-bred, and one that adores me. What o' that?

 

SIR ANDREW

I was adored once, too.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Let’s to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for more money.

 

SIR ANDREW

If I cannot recover (win) your niece, I am a foul way out (wretchedly out of pocket).

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Send for money, knight. If thou hast her not i' the end, call me “Cut (a work-horse).”

 

SIR ANDREW

If I do not [win her], never trust me, take it how you will.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Come, come, I’ll go burn some sack (cook up some sweetened wine). 'Tis too late to go to bed now. Come, knight. Come, knight.

Exeunt


 

Act 2. Scene 4. Duke Orsino’s palace

 

Enter ORSINOVIOLACURIO, and others

 

ORSINO

Give me some music. (music plays)

Now, good morrow, friends.

Now, good Cesario, but (just let us have) that piece of song,

That old and antique (quaint) song we heard last night.

Methought it did relieve my passion much,

More than light airs and recollected terms (poetic expressions?)

Of these most brisk and giddy-paced times.

Come, but (just) one verse.

 

CURIO

He is not here, so please your lordship, that should sing it.

 

ORSINO

Who was it?

 

CURIO

Feste, the jester, my lord, a fool that the lady Olivia’s father took much delight in. He is about the house.

 

ORSINO

Seek him out, and play the tune the while.

Exit CURIO. Music plays

 (to VIOLA) Come hither, boy. If ever thou shalt love,

In the sweet pangs of it remember me,

For such as I am, all true lovers are,

Unstaid and skittish in all motions, else
unstaid and skittish=giddy and fickle

Save in the constant image of the creature
else save=except

That is beloved. How dost thou like this tune?

 

VIOLA

It gives a very echo to the seat

Where Love is throned.

 

ORSINO

Thou dost speak masterly.

My life upon ’t, young though thou art, thine eye

Hath stay’d upon some favor that it loves.
stayed=lingered
favor=face

Hath it not, boy?

 

VIOLA

A little, by your favor.

 

ORSINO

What kind of woman is’t?

 

VIOLA

Of your complexion.

 

ORSINO

She is not worth thee, then. What years, i' faith?

 

VIOLA

About your years, my lord.

 

ORSINO

Too old, by heaven. Let still the woman take

An elder than herself. So wears she to him,
wears=adapts

So sways she level in her husband’s heart,
sways=holds sway

For, boy, however we do praise ourselves,

Our fancies are more giddy and unfirm,

More longing, wavering, sooner lost and worn,

Than women’s are.

 

VIOLA

I think it well, my lord.

(I agree)

 

ORSINO

Then let thy love be younger than thyself,
love=love object

Or thy affection cannot hold the bent,
bent=stress, like a bow under tension

For women are as roses, whose fair flower,

Being once displayed, doth fall that very hour.
displayed=fully opened

 

VIOLA

And so they are. Alas, that they are so,

To die even when (just when) they to perfection grow!

Enter CURIO and FOOL

 

ORSINO

O, fellow, come, [sing] the song we had last night.

Mark it, Cesario, it is old and plain.

The spinsters and the knitters in the sun
spinsters=spinning women

And the [care-]free maids that weave their thread with bones
bone=bone bobbins

Do use to chant it. It is silly sooth
do use=are accustomed
silly sooth=simple truth

And dallies with the innocence of love,

Like the old age (as in the good, old days).

 

FOOL

Are you ready, sir?

 

ORSINO

Ay. Prithee, sing.

Music

 

FOOL

(sings)

   Come away, come away, death,

   And in sad cypress let me be laid.
(cypress was emblematic of death, as was yew)

   Fly away, fly away breath,

   I am slain by a fair cruel maid.

   My shroud of white, stuck all with [sprigs of] yew,

   O, prepare it!

   My part of death, no one (not my sweetheart) so true
part=portion

   Did share it.

   Not a flower, not a flower sweet

   On my black coffin let there be strown.

   Not a friend, not a friend greet

   My poor corpse, where my bones shall be thrown.

   A thousand thousand sighs to save,

   Lay me, O, where

   Sad true lover [can] never find my grave,

   To weep there!

 

ORSINO

(giving money) There’s for thy pains.

 

FOOL

No pains, sir. I take pleasure in singing, sir.

 

ORSINO

I’ll pay [for] thy pleasure, then.

 

FOOL

Truly, sir, and pleasure will be paid, one time or another.
(indulgence exacts payment)

 

ORSINO

Give me now leave to leave thee.

 

FOOL

Now, the melancholy god (Saturn, god of melancholy, to whom Orsino is devoted) protect thee, and the tailor make thy doublet of changeable taffeta, for thy mind is a very opal (it changes, as an opal changes colors). I would have men of such [questionable] constancy put to sea, that their business might be everything (anything that they run into) and their intent everywhere (random), for that’s it that always makes a good voyage of nothing. Farewell.

Exit

 

ORSINO

Let all the rest give place.

CURIO and attendants retire

Once more, Cesario,

Get thee to yond same sovereign cruelty (supremely cruel person).

Tell her my love, more noble than the world,

Prizes not quantity of dirty lands.
dirty lands=Olivia’s property

The parts that fortune hath bestowed upon her,
parts=worldly goods

Tell her, I hold as giddily (indifferently) as fortune [does],

But ’tis that miracle and queen of gems (Olivia’s beauty)

That nature pranks her in [that] attracts my soul.
pranks her in=adorns her with

 

VIOLA

But if she cannot love you, sir?

 

ORSINO

I cannot be so answer’d.

 

VIOLA

Sooth, but you must.

Say that some lady, as perhaps there is,

Hath for your love as great a pang of heart
your love=love of you

As you have for Olivia. You cannot love her.

You tell her so. Must she not then be answered?

 

ORSINO

There is no woman’s sides
sides=frame

Can bide the beating of so strong a passion
bide=endure

As love doth give my heart. No woman’s heart [is]

So big, to hold so much. They lack retention.
retention=constancy

Alas, their love may be called appetite,

No motion of the liver but the palate,
(the liver was thought to be the seat of real love)

[they] That suffer surfeit, cloyment, and revolt,
(experience satiety)

But mine is all as hungry as the sea

And can digest as much. Make no compare (comparison)

Between that love a woman can bear me

And that I owe (have for) Olivia.

 

VIOLA

Ay, but I know—

 

ORSINO

What dost thou know?

 

VIOLA

Too well what love women to men may owe.

may owe=may bear

In faith, they are as true of heart as we.

My father had a daughter loved a man

As [much as], it might be, perhaps, were I a woman,

I should [love] your lordship.

 

ORSINO

And what’s her history?

 

VIOLA

A blank, my lord. She never told her love

But let concealment, like a worm i' the bud,
(like a worm in a rosebud)

Feed on her damask cheek. She pined in thought,
damask=pink and white like a damask rose

And with a green and yellow melancholy
green and yellow=pale and sallow

She sat like Patience on a monument,

Smiling at grief. Was not this love indeed?

We men may say more, swear more, but indeed

Our shows are more than will, for still we prove
(what we show is more than what we feel)
still=always

Much in our vows but little in our love.

 

ORSINO

But died thy sister of her love, my boy?

 

VIOLA

I am all the daughters of my father’s house

And all the brothers, too—and yet I know not.
(she thinks that her brother might still be alive)

Sir, shall I [go] to this lady?

 

ORSINO

Ay, that’s the theme.

To her in haste. Give her this jewel. Say

My love can give no place, bide no denay.
give no place=yield no ground
denay=denial

(he hands her a jewel)

Exeunt


 

Act 2. Scene 5. Olivia’s garden

 

Enter SIR TOBY BELCHSIR ANDREW, and FABIAN

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Come thy ways, Signior Fabian.
(come along)

 

FABIAN

Nay (don’t push me), I’ll come. If I lose a scruple (tiniest bit) of this sport, let me be boiled to death with melancholy.
boiled/biled – black bile was thought to be the source of melancholy

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Wouldst thou not be glad to have the niggardly rascally sheep-biter come by some notable shame?
sheep-biter – literally, a dog that harasses sheep, which are easy prey

 

FABIAN

I would exult (celebrate), man. You know, he brought me out o' favor with my lady about a bear-baiting [I arranged for] here.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

To anger him, we’ll have the bear again, and we will fool him black and blue. Shall we not, Sir Andrew?
fool him black and blue=thoroughly mock him

 

SIR ANDREW

An we do not, it is pity of our lives.
(our lives won’t be worth living)

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Here comes the little villain (playful term).

Enter MARIA

How now, my metal of India (worth gold)?

 

MARIA

Get you all three into (behind) the boxtree. Malvolio’s coming down this walk. He has been yonder i' the sun practicing behavior to his own shadow this half hour. Observe him, for the love of mockery, for I know this letter will make a contemplative (dream-filled) idiot of him. Close, in the name of jesting!

They hide

Lie thou there (throwing down a letter), for here comes the trout that must be caught with tickling.

Exit

Enter MALVOLIO

 

MALVOLIO

'Tis but fortune, all is [fickle] fortune. Maria once told me she (Olivia) did affect (have affection for) me, and I have heard herself come thus near (come close to saying), that, should she fancy, it should be one of my complexion (qualities). Besides, she uses me with a more exalted respect than anyone else that follows her (is in her service). What should I think on ’t?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(aside) Here’s an overweening (arrogant) rogue!

 

FABIAN

(aside) O, peace! Contemplation (dreaming of great things) makes a rare turkey-cock of him. How he jets (struts) under his advanced (raised) plumes!

 

SIR ANDREW

(aside) 'Slight (by God’s light), I could so beat the rogue!

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(aside) Peace, I say.

 

MALVOLIO

To be Count Malvolio!

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(aside) Ah, rogue!

 

SIR ANDREW

(aside) Pistol him (shoot him), pistol him.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(aside) Peace, peace!

 

MALVOLIO

There is example for ’t. The lady of the Strachy (?) married the yeoman (manager) of the wardrobe.

 

SIR ANDREW

(aside) Fie on him, Jezebel!
(Andrew calls Malvolio Jezebel – arrogant wife in the Bible)

 

FABIAN

(aside) O, peace (shhh)! Now he’s deeply in (mired in his fantasy). Look how imagination blows him [up].

 

MALVOLIO

Having been three months married to her, sitting in my state [chair of state]

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(aside) Oh, for a stone-bow (crossbow that shoots stones), to hit him in the eye!

 

MALVOLIO

Calling my officers (household staff) about me, in my branched (embroidered) velvet gown, having come from a daybed, where I have left Olivia sleeping—

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(aside) Fire and brimstone!

 

FABIAN

(aside) O, peace (shhh), peace!

 

MALVOLIO

And then to have the humor of state, and after a demure travel of regard (looking about), telling them I know my place, as I would they should do theirs, to ask for my kinsman Toby—

 

SIR TOBY BELCH (incensed that Malvolio didn’t say Sir Toby)

(aside) Bolts and shackles!

 

FABIAN

(aside) O peace (shhhh), peace, peace! Now, now.

 

MALVOLIO

Seven of my people, with an obedient start (in obedient haste), make out for him (go to summon him). I frown the while, and, perchance, wind up [my] watch, or play with my—some rich jewel. Toby approaches, curtsies there to me—

SIR TOBY BELCH

(aside) Shall this fellow live?

 

FABIAN

(aside) Though our silence be drawn from us with cars (by the ears?), yet peace.

 

MALVOLIO

I extend my hand to him, thus, quenching my familiar smile with an austere regard of control—

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(aside) And does not Toby take you a blow o' the lips (in the mouth) then?

 

MALVOLIO

Saying, “Cousin Toby, my fortunes having cast me on your niece, giving me this prerogative of speech—”

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(aside) What, what?

 

MALVOLIO

“You must amend your drunkenness.”

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(aside) Out, scab!

 

FABIAN

(aside) Nay, patience, or we break the sinews of our plot.

 

MALVOLIO

“Besides, you waste the treasure of your time with a foolish knight—”

 

SIR ANDREW

(aside) That’s me, I warrant you.

 

MALVOLIO

“One Sir Andrew—”

 

SIR ANDREW

(aside) I knew ’twas I, for many do call me fool.

 

MALVOLIO

(seeing the letter) What employment have we here?

 

FABIAN

(aside) Now is the woodcock near the gin (engine=trap).

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(aside) O, peace! And the spirit of humors intimate reading aloud to him (suggest to him that he read aloud)!

 

MALVOLIO

(picking up the letter) By my life, this is my lady’s hand (handwriting). These be her very C’s, her U’s, and her T’s (cut=a slang term for female part), and thus makes she her great P’s (pees). It is, in contempt of question, her hand.

 

SIR ANDREW

(aside) Her C’s, her U’s and her T’s. Why that?

 

MALVOLIO

(reads) “To the unknown beloved, this, and my good wishes”—Her very phrases! [He addresses the wax seal] By your leave, wax. Soft (wait a minute)! And the impressure her Lucrece, with which she uses to seal. 'Tis my lady. To whom should this be [addressed]?
(Lucretia stabbed herself after her rape by Tarquin)

 

FABIAN

(aside) This wins him, liver (seat of passion) and all.

 

MALVOLIO

(reads)

“Jove knows I love,

But who?

Lips, do not move;

No man must know.”

“No man must know.”

What follows? The numbers altered (the poetic meter changed). “No man must know.” If this should be thee, Malvolio?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(aside) Marry, hang thee, brock (you dirty rat)!

 

MALVOLIO

(reads)

“I may command where I adore,

But silence, like a Lucrece knife,

With bloodless stroke my heart doth gore.

M.O.A.I. doth sway my life.”

 

FABIAN

(aside) A fustian riddle (gibberish)!

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(aside) Excellent wench (Maria), say I.

 

MALVOLIO

“M.O.A.I. doth sway my life.” Nay, but first, let me see, let me see, let me see.

 

FABIAN

(aside) What dish o' poison has she dressed (prepared for) him!

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(aside) And with what wing (speed) the staniel (little hawk) checks at it!

 

MALVOLIO

“I may command where I adore.” Why, she may command me. I serve her, she is my lady. Why, this is evident to any formal capacity (sane mind). There is no obstruction in this. And the end—what should that alphabetical position portend? If I could make that resemble something in me—Softly (wait a minute)! M.O.A.I.—

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(aside) O, ay, make up that (figure that out). He is now at a cold scent.

 

FABIAN

(aside) Sowter (a hunting dog) will cry upon ’t (yelp) for all this, though it be as rank as a fox (easy to smell out).

 

MALVOLIO

“M”—Malvolio. “M”—why, that begins my name.

 

FABIAN

(aside) Did not I say he would work it out? The cur is excellent at [recovering from] faults (losses of scent).

 

MALVOLIO

“M,” but, then, there is no consonancy in the sequel (the letter following M), that (which) suffers under probation. “A” should follow, but “O” does.

 

FABIAN

(aside) And “O” shall end, I hope.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(aside) Ay, or I’ll cudgel him and make him cry “O!”

 

MALVOLIO

And then “I” comes behind (precedes O in “Malvolio).

 

FABIAN

(aside) Ay, an (if) you had any eye (punning on “I”) behind you, you might see more detraction at your heels than fortunes before you.

 

MALVOLIO

“M.O.A.I.” This simulation is not as the former, and, yet, to crush this a little, it would bow to me, for every one of these letters is in my name. Soft, here follows prose.

(reads)

“If this fall into thy hand, revolve (consider). In my stars (destiny) I am above thee, but be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em. Thy Fates open their hands (are ready to give). Let thy blood and spirit embrace them, and, to inure (accustom) thyself to what thou art like to be, cast thy humble slough [snakeskin, which a snake sloughs off] and appear fresh. Be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants.

“Let thy tongue tang (sound loudly) arguments of state. Put thyself into the trick of singularity (eccentricity). She thus advises thee that sighs for thee. Remember who commended thy yellow stockings and wished to see thee ever cross-gartered. I say, remember. Go to, thou art made if thou desir’st to be so. If not, let me see thee a steward still, the fellow of servants, and not worthy to touch Fortune’s fingers. Farewell.

“She that would alter services (exchange duties) with thee,

The Fortunate Unhappy”

 

Daylight and champaign (open fields) discover not more. This is open. I will be proud, I will read politic authors, I will baffle Sir Toby, I will wash off gross acquaintance, I will be point-devise (in every detail) the very man. I do not now fool myself, to let imagination jade me, for every reason excites to this, that my lady loves me. She did commend my yellow stockings of late, she did praise my leg being cross-gartered, and in this [letter] she manifests herself to my love, and, with a kind of injunction, drives me to these habits (clothes) of her liking. I thank my stars I am happy. I will be strange (haughty), stout (bold), in yellow stockings, and cross-gartered, even with the swiftness of putting on (as fast as I can put them on). Jove and my stars be praised! Here is yet a postscript.

(reads)

“Thou canst not choose but know who I am. If thou entertainest my love, let it appear in thy smiling. Thy smiles become thee well. Therefore, in my presence still (always) smile, dear my sweet, I prithee.”

Jove, I thank thee! I will smile. I will do everything that thou wilt have me.

Exit

 

FABIAN

I will not give my part of this sport for a pension of thousands to be paid from the Sophy (the Persian shah).

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

I could marry this wench for this device (plot).

 

SIR ANDREW

So could I, too.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

And ask no other dowry with her but such another jest.

 

SIR ANDREW

Nor I, neither (commonplace use of double negative).

Enter MARIA

 

FABIAN

Here comes my noble gull-catcher (fool-catcher).

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Wilt thou set thy foot o' my neck (may I bow down before you)?

 

SIR ANDREW

Or o' mine, either?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Shall I play (gamble) my freedom at tray-trip (a game with dice) and become thy bondslave?

 

SIR ANDREW

I' faith, or I, either?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Why, thou hast put him in such a dream that, when the image of it leaves him, he must run mad.

 

MARIA

Nay, but say true, does it work upon him?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Like aqua vitae (brandy) with a midwife.

 

MARIA

If you will then see the fruits of the sport, mark his first approach before my lady. He will come to her in yellow stockings, and ’tis a color she abhors, and cross-gartered, a fashion she detests, and he will smile upon her, which will now be so unsuitable to her disposition, being addicted to a melancholy as she is, that it cannot but turn him into a notable contempt. If you will see it, follow me.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent devil of wit!
Tartar=Tartarus, the level below Hades, where evil souls are tortured for their sins

 

SIR ANDREW

I’ll make one, too.

Exeunt


 

Act 3

Act 3. Scene 1. Olivia’s garden

 

 

Enter VIOLA and the FOOL playing with a tabor (small drum)

 

VIOLA

[God] Save thee, friend, and thy music. Dost thou live by thy tabour?

 

FOOL

No, sir, I live by the church.

 

VIOLA

Art thou a churchman?

 

FOOL

No such matter, sir. I do live by the church, for I do live at my house, and my house doth stand by the church.

 

VIOLA

So thou mayst say the king lies by a beggar if a beggar dwell near him, or the church stands by thy tabor, if thy tabor stand by the church.

 

FOOL

You have said (that’s true), sir. To see this age! A sentence is but a cheveril (kid leather) glove to a good wit. How quickly the wrong side may be turned outward!

 

VIOLA

Nay, that’s certain. They that dally nicely with words may quickly make them wanton.
make them wanton=lose control of them

 

FOOL

I would therefore my sister had no name, sir.

 

VIOLA

Why, man?

 

FOOL

Why, sir, her name’s a word, and to dally with that word might make my sister wanton (unchaste). But, indeed, [spoken] words are very rascals since bonds (sworn statements) disgraced them.

 

VIOLA

Thy reason, man?

 

FOOL

[By my] Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words, and words are grown so false, I am loath to prove reason with them.

 

VIOLA

I warrant thou art a merry fellow and carest for nothing.

 

FOOL

Not so, sir, I do care for something, but, in my conscience, sir, I do not care for you. If that be to care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you invisible.

 

VIOLA

Art not thou the Lady Olivia’s fool?

 

FOOL

No, indeed, sir. The Lady Olivia has no folly (fool-y). She will keep no fool, sir, till she be married, and fools are as like husbands as pilchards (small herring-like fish) are to herrings; the husband’s the bigger [the bigger fish and the bigger fool]. I am indeed not her fool but her corrupter of words.

 

VIOLA

I saw thee late (recently) at the Count Orsino’s.

 

FOOL

Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb (world) like the sun. It shines everywhere. I would be sorry, sir, but the fool should be (if foolery were not) as (thought of as) oft with your master (Orsino) as with my mistress (Olivia) - I think I saw Your Wisdom (Viola) there.

 

VIOLA

Nay, an (if) thou pass upon (fence with) me, I’ll no more with thee. Hold, there’s expenses (coins) for thee.

 

FOOL

Now Jove, in his next commodity (lot) of hair, send thee a beard!

 

VIOLA

By my troth, I’ll tell thee, I am almost sick for one (for a beard), (aside) though I would not have it grow on my chin. (to FOOL) Is thy lady within?

 

FOOL (handling the coins that Viola has given to him)

Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?

 

VIOLA

Yes, being kept together and put to use.
(“gold that’s put to use more gold begets”)

 

FOOL (still talking about coins)

I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to bring a
Cressida to this Troilus (one coin to another).
(Pandarus was the go-between in the love affair between Cressida and Troilus)

 

VIOLA

(gives another coin) I understand you, sir. 'Tis well begged.

 

FOOL

The matter, I hope, is not great, sir, begging but (from) a beggar. Cressida was a beggar.
(Contemporary stories told that Cressida was a leper and a beggar)

My lady is within, sir. I will construe (explain) to them whence you come. Who you are and what you would are out of my welkin (the sky), I might say “element,” but the word is overworn.

Exit

 

VIOLA

This fellow is wise enough to play the fool,

And to do that well craves a kind of wit.

He must observe their mood on whom he jests,

The quality of persons, and the time,
quality=social rank

Not, like the haggard, check at every feather
haggard=wild hawk
feather=bird

That comes before his eye. This is a practice

As full of labor as a wise man’s art,

For folly that he wisely shows is fit,

But wise men, folly-fall'n (lapsed into folly), quite taint their wit.

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, and SIR ANDREW

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

[God] Save you, gentleman.

 

VIOLA

And you, sir.

 

SIR ANDREW

Dieu vous garde, monsieur.

 

VIOLA

Et vous aussi. Votre serviteur!

 

SIR ANDREW

I hope, sir, you are, and I am yours.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Will you encounter (pedantry for “enter”) the house? My niece is desirous you should enter, if your trade (business) be to her.

 

VIOLA

I am bound to (toward) your niece, sir. I mean, she is the list (destination) of my voyage.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Taste (test) your legs, sir. Put them to motion.

 

VIOLA

My legs do better understand (“stand under”) me, sir, than I understand what you mean by bidding me taste my legs.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

I mean, to go, sir, to enter.

 

VIOLA

I will answer you with gait and entrance (going and entering). But we are prevented (anticipated).

Enter OLIVIA and MARIA

Most excellent accomplished lady, the heavens rain odors on you!

 

SIR ANDREW

(aside) That youth’s a rare courtier. “Rain odors.” Well.

 

VIOLA

My matter hath no voice (cannot be spoken about), lady, but to your own most pregnant and vouchsafed (receptive and graciously bestowed) ear.

 

SIR ANDREW

(aside) “Odors,” “pregnant,” and “vouchsafed.” I’ll get

'em all three all ready (available for conversation).

 

OLIVIA

Let the garden door be shut, and leave me to my hearing.

Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCHSIR ANDREW, and MARIA

Give me your hand, sir.

 

VIOLA

My duty, madam, and most humble service.

 

OLIVIA

What is your name?

 

VIOLA

Cesario is your servant’s name, fair princess.

 

OLIVIA

My servant, sir! 'Twas never [so] merry [a] world

Since lowly feigning (fake humility) was call’d compliment.

You’re servant to the Count Orsino, youth.

 

VIOLA

And he is yours, and his must needs be yours:

Your servant’s servant is your servant, madam.

 

OLIVIA

[As] For him, I think not on him. For his thoughts,

Would they were blanks, rather than fill’d with me.

 

VIOLA

Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts

On his behalf.

 

OLIVIA

O, by your leave, I pray you,

I bade you never speak again of him,

But, would you undertake another suit,

I had rather hear you to solicit that

Than music from the spheres.
(It was thought that the earth was surrounded by musical transparent spheres holding the moon, stars, and planets)

 

VIOLA

Dear lady—

 

OLIVIA

Give me leave [to speak], [I] beseech you. I did send,

After the last enchantment you did here,

A ring in chase of you. So did I abuse

Myself, my servant, and, I fear me, you.

Under your hard construction must I sit
hard construction=critical opinion

To force (for forcing) that on you (the ring) in a shameful cunning (trick)

Which you knew none of yours. What might you think?

Have you not set mine honor at the stake
(Olivia imagines herself tied to a stake, harassed by dogs)

And baited it with all the unmuzzled thoughts

That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your receiving

Enough is shown. A cypress, not a bosom,
enough is shown=enough said
cypress=gauze material used by mourners

Hides my heart. So, let me hear you speak.

 

VIOLA

I pity you.

 

OLIVIA

That’s a degree to love.

 

VIOLA

No, not a grize. For ’tis a vulgar proof
grize=step
vulgar proof=common knowledge

That very oft we pity enemies.

 

OLIVIA

Why, then, methinks ’tis time to smile again.
(time to abandon love and its pangs)

O world, how apt the poor (rejected) are to be proud [of their distress]!

If one should be (were to be) a prey, how much the better

To fall before the lion than the wolf! (clock strikes)

The clock upbraids me with (chides me for) the waste of time.

Be not afraid, good youth, I will not have you (have you for a husband),

And, yet, when wit and youth is come to harvest,

Your wife is like to reap a proper man.

There lies your way, due west.
(follow the setting sun=good-bye)

 

VIOLA

Then westward ho!

Grace and good disposition attend your ladyship!

You’ll nothing, madam, to my lord by me?

 

OLIVIA

Stay, I prithee, tell me what thou thinkest of me.

 

VIOLA

That you do think you are not what you are.

 

OLIVIA

If I think so, I think the same of you.

 

VIOLA

Then think you right. I am not what I am.

 

OLIVIA

I would you were as I would have you be!

 

VIOLA

Would it be better, madam, than I am?

I wish it might, for now I am your fool.

 

OLIVIA

(aside) Oh, what a deal of scorn looks beautiful

In the contempt and anger of his lip!

A murderous guilt shows not itself more soon

Than love that would seem hid. Love’s night is noon.
(everybody can see it)

(to VIOLA) Cesario, by the roses of the spring,

By maidhood, honor, truth, and everything,

I love thee so, that, maugre all thy pride,
maugre=in spite of

Nor (neither) wit nor reason can my passion hide.

Do not extort thy reasons from this clause,
(don’t search for a reason from what I’ve been saying)

For that (just because) I woo, [that] thou, therefore, hast no cause [to be responsive to me]

But rather reason thus with reason fetter.
(tie up Reason in knots)

Love sought is good but given unsought better.

 

VIOLA

By innocence I swear, and by my youth,

I have one heart, one bosom, and one truth,

And that no woman has, nor never none
nor never none=nor anybody ever

Shall mistress be of it save I alone,

And, so, adieu, good madam. Nevermore

Will I my master’s tears to you deplore.
deplore=lament

 

OLIVIA

Yet, come again, for thou perhaps mayst move

That (your) heart, which now abhors, to like his (Orsino’s) love.

Exeunt


 

Act 3. Scene 2. Olivia’s house

 

 

Enter SIR TOBY BELCHSIR ANDREW, and FABIAN

 

SIR ANDREW

No, faith, I’ll not stay a jot longer.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason.

 

FABIAN

You must needs yield your reason, Sir Andrew.

 

SIR ANDREW

Marry, I saw your niece do more favors to the Count’s servingman than ever she bestowed upon me. I saw ’t i' the orchard.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Did she see thee the while, old boy? Tell me that.

 

SIR ANDREW

As plain as I see you now.

 

FABIAN

This was a great argument of love in her toward you.

 

SIR ANDREW

'Slight (by God’s light), will you make an ass o' me?

 

FABIAN

I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of Judgment and Reason.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

And they have been grand-jurymen since before Noah was a sailor.

 

FABIAN

She did show favor to the youth in your sight only to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse (rodent resembling a small squirrel) valor, to put fire in your heart and brimstone in your liver. You should then have accosted her, and, with some excellent jests, fire-new from the mint, you should have banged the youth into dumbness.
(you should have rendered the youth speechless)
This was looked for at your hand (from you), and this was balked. The double gilt of this opportunity you let time wash off, and you are now sailed into the north of my lady’s opinion, where you will hang like an icicle on a Dutchman’s beard unless you do redeem it by some laudable attempt either of valor or policy.

 

SIR ANDREW

An (if) ’t be any way, it must be with valor, for policy I hate. I had as lief be a Brownist as a politician.
(William Browne advocated the separation of church and state)

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Why, then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis of valor. Challenge me the count’s youth to fight with him. Hurt him in eleven places. My niece shall take note of it, and, assure thyself, there is no love-broker in the world can more prevail in man’s commendation with woman than report of valor.

FABIAN

There is no way but this, Sir Andrew.

 

SIR ANDREW

Will either of you bear me a challenge to him?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Go, write it in a martial hand. Be curst (insulting) and brief. It is no matter how witty so it be eloquent and full of invention. Taunt him with the license of ink. If thou “thou”-est him some thrice, it shall not be amiss, and, as many lies as will lie in thy sheet of paper, although the sheet were big enough for the bed of Ware in England (a huge bed now in a museum in London), set 'em down. Go, about it. Let there be gall (bitterness) enough in thy ink, though thou write with a goose-pen (quill from a goose, notably timid), no matter. About it.

 

SIR ANDREW

Where shall I find you?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

We’ll call [for] thee at the cubiculo (bedchamber). Go.

Exit SIR ANDREW

 

FABIAN

This is a dear manikin (puppet) to you, Sir Toby.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

I have been dear (expensive) to him, lad, some two thousand [ducats] strong, or so.

 

FABIAN

We shall have a rare letter from him, but you’ll not deliver ’t?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Never trust me, then (if I don’t), and by all means stir on the youth to an answer. I think oxen and wainropes (wagon ropes) cannot hale (drag) them together (Andrew plus the letter). For Andrew, if he were opened and you find so much blood in his liver as will clog the foot of a flea, I’ll eat the rest of the anatomy.
blood in his liver=courage

 

FABIAN

And his opposite (rival), the youth, bears in his visage no great presage of cruelty.

Enter MARIA

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Look where the youngest wren of nine comes (smallest of the brood).

 

MARIA

If you desire the spleen and will laugh yourself into stitches, follow me. Yond gull Malvolio is turned heathen, a very renegade (turncoat). For there is no Christian - that means to be saved by believing rightly - can ever believe such impossible passages of grossness. He’s in yellow stockings.
(spleen – thought to be the source of both gloomy and mirthful emotions)
(stitches – a pain in the side caused by laughter)

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

And cross-gartered (wearing garters criss-crossed on the leg)?

 

MARIA

Most villainously, like a pedant that keeps a school i' the church. I have dogged him, like his murderer. He does obey every point of the letter that I dropped to betray him. He does smile his face into more lines than is in the new map with the augmentation of the Indies. You have not seen such a thing as ’tis. I can hardly forbear hurling things at him. I know my lady will strike him. If she do, he’ll smile and take ’t for a great favor.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Come, bring us, bring us where he is.

 

Exeunt


 

Act 3. Scene 3. A street

 

Enter SEBASTIAN and ANTONIO

 

SEBASTIAN

I would not by my will have troubled you,
by my will=intentionally

But, since you make your pleasure of your pains,
your pains=your work on my behalf

I will no further chide you.

 

ANTONIO

I could not stay behind you [after you left]. My desire,

More sharp than filèd steel, did spur me forth,

And not all love to see you, though so much
(not just because I wanted to see you)
so much=so much desire

As might have drawn one to a longer voyage,

But jealousy what might befall your travel,

jealousy=worry

[You] Being skilless in these parts, which, to a stranger

Unguided and unfriended, often prove

Rough and unhospitable. My willing love,

The rather by these arguments of fear,
(spurred by these anxieties)

Set forth in your pursuit.

 

SEBASTIAN

My kind Antonio,

I can no other answer make but thanks

And thanks and ever thanks, and oft good turns

Are shuffled off with such uncurrent (of no financial value) pay (namely, mere thanks),

But, were my worth (wealth) as is my conscience (knowledge of indebtedness) - firm,

You should find better dealing. What’s to do?

Shall we go see the relics of this town?

 

ANTONIO

Tomorrow, sir. Best first go see your lodging.

 

SEBASTIAN

I am not weary, and ’tis long to (until) night.

I pray you, let us satisfy our eyes

With the memorials and the things of fame

That do renown this city.

 

ANTONIO

Would you’d pardon me.

I do not without danger walk these streets.

Once in a sea-fight 'gainst the Count his (Count’s) galleys

I did some service, of such note, indeed,

That were I ta'en (captured) here it would scarce be answered (defensible).

 

SEBASTIAN

Belike (perhaps) you slew great number of his people?

 

ANTONIO

The offence is not of such a bloody nature,

Albeit the quality (circumstances) of the time and quarrel

Might well have given us bloody argument.

It might have since been answered in repaying

What we took from them, which, for traffic’s (trade’s) sake,

Most of our city did. Only myself stood out,

For which, if I be lapsèd in this place,
be lapsed=am at fault

I shall pay dear (at great cost).

 

SEBASTIAN

Do not then walk too open.

 

ANTONIO

It (walking openly) doth not fit me. Hold, sir, here’s my purse.

(giving him money)

In the south suburbs at the Elephant

Is best to lodge. I will bespeak our diet

Whiles you beguile (pleasantly pass) the time and feed your knowledge

With viewing of the town. There shall you have (find) me.

 

SEBASTIAN

Why I your purse?

 

ANTONIO

Haply (with luck) your eye shall light upon some toy (trinket)

You have desire to purchase, and your store [of money],

I think, is not for idle markets (whimsical purchases), sir.

 

SEBASTIAN

I’ll be your purse-bearer and leave you

For an hour.

 

ANTONIO

To the Elephant.

 

SEBASTIAN

I do remember.

Exeunt


 

Act 3. Scene 4. Olivia’s garden

 

 

Enter OLIVIA and MARIA

 

OLIVIA

I have sent after him (Viola). He says he’ll come.

How shall I feast him? What bestow of him?

For youth is bought more oft than begged or borrow’d.

I speak too loud.

Where’s Malvolio? He is sad and civil

And suits well for a servant with my [sad] fortunes.

Where is Malvolio?

 

MARIA

He’s coming, madam, but in very strange manner. He is sure possessed [by the devil], madam.

 

OLIVIA

Why, what’s the matter? Does he rave?

 

MARIA

No, madam, he does nothing but smile. Your ladyship were best to have some guard about you if he come, for sure the man is tainted in ’s wits.

 

OLIVIA

Go call him hither.

Exit MARIA

I am as mad as he,

If sad and merry madness equal be.

Enter MARIA with MALVOLIO

How now, Malvolio?

 

MALVOLIO

Sweet lady, ho, ho.

 

OLIVIA

Smilest thou? I sent for thee upon a sad (serious) occasion.

 

MALVOLIO

Sad, lady! I could be sad. This does make some obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering, but what of that? If it please the eye of one, it is with me as the very true sonnet is, “Please one, and please all.”

 

OLIVIA

Why, how dost thou, man? What is the matter with thee?

 

MALVOLIO

Not black (melancholy) in my mind, though yellow in my legs. It did come to his hands, and commands shall be executed. I think we do know the sweet Roman hand (script coming into use at that time).
(his hands – Malvolio speaks in the third person about himself)

 

OLIVIA

Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?

 

MALVOLIO

To bed? “Ay, sweetheart, and I’ll come to thee.”

 

OLIVIA

God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so and kiss thy hand so oft?

 

MARIA

How do you, Malvolio?

 

MALVOLIO

At your request! Yes, nightingales answer daws (relatives of the crow)!

 

MARIA

Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady?

 

MALVOLIO

“Be not afraid of greatness.” 'Twas well writ.

 

OLIVIA

What meanest thou by that, Malvolio?

 

MALVOLIO

“Some are born great—”

 

OLIVIA

Ha?

 

MALVOLIO

“Some achieve greatness—”

 

OLIVIA

What sayest thou?

 

MALVOLIO

“And some have greatness thrust upon them.”

 

OLIVIA

Heaven restore thee!

 

MALVOLIO

“Remember who commended thy yellow stockings—”

 

OLIVIA

Thy yellow stockings?

 

MALVOLIO

“And wished to see thee cross-gartered.”

 

OLIVIA

Cross-gartered?

 

MALVOLIO

“Go to, thou art made, if thou desirest to be so—”

 

OLIVIA

Am I made?

 

MALVOLIO

“If not, let me see thee a servant still.”

 

OLIVIA

Why, this is very midsummer madness.

Enter SERVANT

 

SERVANT

Madam, the young gentleman of the Count Orsino’s is returned. I could hardly entreat him back (get him to come back). He attends your ladyship’s pleasure.

 

OLIVIA

I’ll come to him.

Exit SERVANT

Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where’s my cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special care of him (Malvolio). I would not have him miscarry (come to harm) for the half of my dowry.

Exeunt OLIVIA and MARIA

 

MALVOLIO

Oh, ho! Do you come near me now (begin to understand my importance)? No worse man than Sir Toby to look to me. This concurs directly with the letter. She sends him on purpose that I may appear stubborn to him, for she incites me to that in the letter. “Cast thy humble slough (outward appearance),” says she. “Be opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants. Let thy tongue tang with arguments of state. Put thyself into the trick of singularity (distinctiveness),” and consequently (thereafter) sets down the manner how: as, a sad face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the habit (attire) of some sir of note, and so forth. I have limed her (caught her, as sticky lime catches small birds), but it is Jove’s doing, and Jove make me thankful! And when she went away now, “Let this fellow be looked to.” “Fellow!” Not “Malvolio,” nor after my degree (station in life), but “fellow.” Why, everything adheres together, that no dram of a scruple (doubt), no scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous or unsafe circumstance—what can be said? Nothing that can be can come between me and the full prospect of my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and he is to be thanked.
(Malvolio takes “fellow” to mean companion, whereas Olivia uses it dismissively)

Enter MARIA with SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Which way is he (Malvolio), in the name of sanctity (all that is holy)? If all the devils of hell be drawn in little (made small), and Legion (“my name is Legion, for we are many”) himself possessed him, yet I’ll speak to him.

 

FABIAN

Here he is, here he is. How is’t with you, sir? How is’t with you, man?

 

MALVOLIO

Go off, I discard you. Let me enjoy my private. Go off.

 

MARIA

(to Sir Toby Belch) Lo, how hollow (resounding) the fiend speaks within him! Did not I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a care of him.

 

MALVOLIO

Aha! Does she so?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(to FABIAN and MARIA) Go to, go to! Peace, peace. We must deal gently with him. Let me alone.—How do you, Malvolio? How is ’t with you? What, man, defy the devil! Consider, he’s an enemy to mankind.

 

MALVOLIO

Do you know what you say?

 

MARIA

(to SIR TOBY BELCH) ) La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes it at heart! Pray God, he be not bewitched!
at heart=to heart

 

FABIAN

Carry his water to the wise woman.
(take his urine to be analyzed for demonic possession)

 

MARIA

Marry, and it shall be done tomorrow morning if I live. My lady would not lose him for more than I’ll say.

 

MALVOLIO

How now, mistress?

 

MARIA

O Lord!

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(to MARIA) Prithee, hold thy peace. This is not the way. Do you not see you move him (make him angry)? Let me alone with him.

 

FABIAN

No way but gentleness, gently, gently. The fiend (devil inhabiting Malvolio) is rough and will not be roughly used.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(to MALVOLIO) Why, how now, my bawcock! How dost thou, chuck?
bawcock=beau coq=fine fellow

 

MALVOLIO

Sir!

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Ay, Biddy (little chick), come with me.—What, man! 'Tis not for gravity (it’s unsuitable for a person of your dignity) to play at cherry-pit (a game with cherry pits) with Satan. Hang him, foul collier (filthy coal miner)!

 

MARIA

Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby, get him to pray.

 

MALVOLIO

My prayers, minx?

 

MARIA

(to SIR TOBY BELCH) No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness.

 

MALVOLIO

Go, hang yourselves all! You are idle, shallow things. I am not of your element. You shall know more hereafter.

Exit

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Is ’t possible?

 

FABIAN

If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

His very genius (spirit) hath taken the infection of the device (prank), man.

 

MARIA

Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air (comes to light) and taint (is ruined).

 

FABIAN

Why, we shall make him mad (insane), indeed.

 

MARIA

The house will be the quieter.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Come, we’ll have him in a dark room and bound (treatment for the insane). My niece is already in the belief that he’s mad. We may carry it, thus, for our pleasure and his penance, till our very pastime, tired, out of breath, prompt us to have mercy on him, at which time we will bring the device (joke) to the bar (a jury for judging sanity) and crown thee [as a jury member] for (as) a finder (declarer) of madmen. But see, but see!

Enter SIR ANDREW

 

FABIAN

More matter for a May morning (material for a May day comedy).

 

SIR ANDREW

(presenting a paper) Here’s the challenge, read it. Warrant there’s vinegar and pepper (fighting words) in ’t.

 

FABIAN

Is ’t so saucy?

 

SIR ANDREW

Ay, is ’t, I warrant him (I guarantee he will be taken care of). Do but read.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Give me. (reads) “Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy (worthless) fellow.”

 

FABIAN

Good, and valiant.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(reads) “Wonder not, nor admire (marvel) not in thy mind, why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for ’t.”
(I won’t stoop to explain)

 

FABIAN

A good note that keeps you from the blow of the law.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(reads) “Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in my sight she uses thee kindly. But thou liest in thy throat. That is not the matter I challenge thee for.”

 

FABIAN

Very brief, and to exceeding good sense-(aside)less (nonsense).

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(reads) “I will waylay thee going home, where, if it be thy chance (you be lucky enough) to kill me—”

 

FABIAN

Good.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(reads) “Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain.”

 

FABIAN

Still you keep o' the windy (safe) side of the law. Good.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(reads) “Fare thee well, and God have mercy upon one of our souls. He may have mercy upon mine, but my hope [for survival] is better, and so look to thyself. Thy friend, as thou usest him (in so far as you treat him right) and thy sworn enemy,

   Andrew Aguecheek

If this letter move him (stir him up) not, his legs cannot. I’ll give ’t him.

 

MARIA

You may have very fit occasion for ’t. He is now in some commerce with my lady and will by and by depart.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Go, Sir Andrew. Scout me for him at the corner the orchard like a bum-baily. So soon as ever thou seest him, draw [your sword], and, as thou drawest, swear horrible, for it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself (a fight) would have earned him. Away!
bum-baily=sheriff’s officer (bailiff) who catches criminals by sneaking up on them from behind

 

SIR ANDREW

Nay, let me alone for swearing (leave the swearing up to me).

Exit

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Now will not I (I will not) deliver his letter, for the behavior of the young gentleman (Viola) gives him out to be of good capacity and breeding. His employment between his lord and my niece confirms no less. Therefore, this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror in the youth. He will find it comes from a clodpole (blockhead). But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth, set upon Aguecheek (credit Aguecheek with) a notable report of valor, and drive the gentleman (as I know his youth will aptly receive it) into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, fury, and impetuosity. This will so fright them both that they will kill one another by the look, like cockatrices (murderous serpent with a deadly glance).

Enter OLIVIA with VIOLA

 

FABIAN

Here he comes with your niece. Give them way till he take leave, and presently after him (then follow him).

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

I will meditate the while upon some horrid message for a challenge.

Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCHFABIAN, and MARIA

 

OLIVIA

I have said too much unto a heart of stone

And laid mine honor too unchary on ’t.
unchary=unguardedly

There’s something in me that reproves my fault,

But such a headstrong potent fault it is

That it but mocks reproof.
reproof=rebuke

 

VIOLA

With the same 'havior that your passion bears
bears=exhibits

Goes - on my master’s grief (torment).

 

OLIVIA

Here, wear this jewel for me. 'Tis my picture.

Refuse it not. It hath no tongue to vex you,

And I beseech you come again tomorrow.

What shall you ask of me that I’ll deny

That honor, saved, may, upon asking, give?

 

VIOLA

Nothing but this: your true love for my master.

 

OLIVIA

How with mine honor may I give him that

Which I have given to you?

 

VIOLA

I will acquit you.

 

OLIVIA

Well, come again tomorrow. Fare thee well.

A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell.

Exit

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Gentleman, God save thee.

 

VIOLA

And you, sir.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

That defense thou hast, betake thee to ’t. Of what nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know not, but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as the hunter, attends thee at the orchard end. Dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for thy assailant is quick, skillful, and deadly.
despite=hatred
tuck=sword
yare=quick

 

VIOLA

You mistake, sir. I am sure no man hath any quarrel to me. My remembrance is very free and clear from any image of offense done to any man.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

You’ll find it otherwise, I assure you. Therefore, if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your guard, for your opposite (opponent) hath in him what youth, strength, skill, and wrath can furnish man withal.

 

VIOLA

I pray you, sir, what is he?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

He is knight, dubbed with unhatched rapier (declared such with sheathed sword) and on carpet consideration (knighted by the king, not on the field of battle), but he is a devil in private brawl. Souls and bodies hath he divorced three, and his incensement at this moment is so implacable that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death and sepulcher (tomb). Hob, nob (come what may) is his word. “Give ’t or take ’t.”

 

VIOLA

I will return again into the house and desire some conduct (escort) of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard of some kind of men that put quarrels purposely on others to taste their valor. Belike (likely) this is a man of that quirk.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Sir, no. His indignation derives itself out of a very competent injury. Therefore, get you on and give him his desire. Back you shall not to the house, unless you undertake that with me which with as much safety you might answer him. Therefore, on, or strip your sword stark naked (draw your sword now for a fight with me), for meddle you must, that’s certain, or forswear (abandon) to wear iron (a sword, sign of a gentleman) about you.

 

VIOLA

This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do me this courteous office, as to know of the knight what my offense to him is. It is something of my negligence, nothing of my purpose (not intended).

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

I will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this gentleman till my return.

Exit

 

VIOLA

Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?

 

FABIAN

I know the knight is incensed against you, even to a mortal arbitrament (fight to the death) but nothing of the circumstance more.

 

VIOLA

I beseech you, what manner of man is he?

 

FABIAN

Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by his form (appearance – not as good-looking as you’d expect from his valor), as you are like to find him in the proof of his valor. He is, indeed, sir, the most skillful, bloody, and fatal opposite that you could possibly have found in any part of Illyria. Will you walk towards him? I will make your peace with him if I can.

 

VIOLA

I shall be much bound to you for ’t. I am one that had rather go with sir priest than sir knight. I care not who knows so much of my mettle.

Exeunt

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH with SIR ANDREW

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Why, man, he’s a very devil. I have not seen such a firago (fighter). I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard, and all, and he gives me the stuck-in (sword thrust) with such a mortal (deadly) motion that it (its hitting its mark) is inevitable, and, on the answer (striking back), he pays you as surely as your feet hit the ground they step on. They say he has been fencer to the Sophy (shah of Persia).

 

SIR ANDREW

Pox on ’t (expressing aversion)! I’ll not meddle with him.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Ay, but he will not now be pacified. Fabian can scarce hold him yonder.

 

SIR ANDREW

Plague on ’t, an (if) I thought he had been valiant and so cunning in fence (fencing), I’d have seen him damned ere I’d have challenged him. Let him let the matter slip, and I’ll give him my horse, gray Capilet.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH  

I’ll make the motion (offer). Stand here, make a good show on ’t.
This shall end without the perdition of souls.
(aside) Marry, I’ll ride your horse as well as I ride you.

Enter FABIAN and VIOLA

(to FABIAN) I have his horse to take up the quarrel. I have persuaded him the youth’s a devil.

FABIAN

He is as horribly conceited (afraid) of him and pants and looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(to VIOLA) There’s no remedy, sir. He will fight with you for ’s oath sake. Marry, he hath better bethought him (had second thoughts) of his quarrel, and he finds that now scarce to be worth talking of. Therefore, draw [your sword] for the supportance (satisfaction) of his vow. He protests he will not hurt you.

 

VIOLA

(aside) Pray God defend me! A little thing would make me tell them how much I lack of a man.

 

FABIAN

Give ground, if you see him furious.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Come, Sir Andrew, there’s no remedy. The gentleman will, for his honor’s sake, have one bout with you. He cannot by the duello (rules) avoid it, but he has promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he will not hurt you. Come on, to ’t.

 

SIR ANDREW

Pray God, he keep his oath!

 

VIOLA

I do assure you, ’tis against my will.

They draw swords. Enter ANTONIO

 

ANTONIO

Put up your sword. If this young gentleman

Have done offence, I take the fault on me.

If you offend him, I, for him, defy you.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

You, sir? Why, what are you?

 

ANTONIO

One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more

Than you have heard him brag to you he will.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.
undertaker=a stand-in in a duel

 

They (Sir Toby and Antonio) draw swords. Enter OFFICERS

 

FABIAN

O good Sir Toby, hold! Here come the officers.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(to ANTONIO) I’ll be with you anon (soon).

 

VIOLA

(to ANDREW) Pray, sir, put your sword up, if you please.

 

SIR ANDREW

Marry, will I, sir, and for that I promised you (a horse), I’ll be as good as my word. He will bear you easily and reins well.

 

FIRST OFFICER

This is the man. Do thy office (duty).

 

SECOND OFFICER

Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit of Count Orsino.

 

ANTONIO

You do mistake me, sir.

 

FIRST OFFICER

No, sir, no jot. I know your favor (appearance) well,

Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.

Take him away. He knows I know him well.

 

ANTONIO

I must obey. (to VIOLA) This comes with seeking you,

But there’s no remedy. I shall answer it.

What will you do, now my necessity

Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me

Much more for what I cannot do for you

Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed,

But be of comfort.

 

SECOND OFFICER

Come, sir, away.

 

ANTONIO

(to VIOLA) I must entreat of you some of that money.

 

VIOLA

What money, sir?

For the fair kindness you have showed me here,

And part being prompted by your present trouble,

Out of my lean and low ability

I’ll lend you something. My having is not much.

I’ll make division of my present [funds] with you.

Hold, there’s half my coffer (strong box). (offering him money)

 

ANTONIO

Will you deny me now?

Is ’t possible that my deserts to you

deserts=funds

Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,

Lest that it make me so unsound a man

As to upbraid you with those kindnesses

That I have done for you.

 

VIOLA

I know of none,

Nor know I you by voice or any feature.

I hate ingratitude more in a man

Than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness,

Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption

Inhabits our frail blood—

 

ANTONIO

O heavens themselves!

 

SECOND OFFICER

Come, sir, I pray you, go.

 

ANTONIO

Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here

I snatched one half out of the jaws of death,

Relieved him with such sanctity of love,
sanctity=devotion

And to his image, which methought did promise
image=countenance (and also religious statue)

Most venerable worth, did I devotion.
venerable worth=worth of being worshipped

 

FIRST OFFICER

What’s that to us? The time goes by. Away!

 

ANTONIO

But oh, how vile an idol proves this god!

Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.

In nature there’s no blemish but the mind.

None can be called deformed but the unkind.

Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil
beauteous evil=those who are outwardly beautiful but evil within

Are empty trunks o'erflourished by the devil.
overflourished=elaborately decorated

 

FIRST OFFICER

The man grows mad. Away with him. Come, come, sir.

 

ANTONIO

Lead me on.

Exit with OFFICERS

 

VIOLA

Methinks his words do from such passion fly

That he believes himself. So do not I.

Prove true, imagination, oh, prove true,

That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you!

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Come hither, knight. Come hither, Fabian. We’ll whisper o'er a couplet or two of most sage saws.

 

VIOLA

He named Sebastian. I my brother know

Yet living in my glass. Even such and so
glass=mirror (I am the living image of my brother)

In favor was my brother, and he went
favor=features

Still in this fashion, color, ornament,
still=always

For him I imitate. Oh, if it prove,

Tempests are kind and salt waves fresh in love!

Exit

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

A very dishonest paltry boy and more a coward than a hare. His dishonesty appears in leaving his friend here in necessity and denying him, and, for his cowardship, ask Fabian.
dishonesty=dishonor
denying=refusing to acknowledge

 

FABIAN

A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.

 

SIR ANDREW

'Slid, I’ll after him again and beat him.
slid=by God’s eyelid

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Do, cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.

 

SIR ANDREW

An (if) I do not—

 

FABIAN

Come, let’s see the event.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

I dare lay any money ’twill be nothing yet.
be nothing yet=come to nothing after all

 

Exeunt


 

Act 4

Act 4. Scene 1. Before Olivia’s house

 

Enter SEBASTIAN and FOOL

 

FOOL

Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?
(that I haven’t been sent to get you)

 

SEBASTIAN

Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow. Let me be clear of thee.

 

FOOL

Well held out, i' faith. No, I do not know you, nor I am not sent to you by my lady to bid you come speak with her, nor your name is not Master Cesario, nor this is not my nose, neither. Nothing that is so is so.

 

SEBASTIAN

I prithee, vent thy folly somewhere else. Thou know’st not me.

 

FOOL

Vent my folly? He has heard that word (“vent”) of some great man and now applies it to a fool. Vent my folly! I am afraid this great lubber (blundering lout), the world, will prove a cockney (sissy). I prithee, now, ungird thy strangeness and tell me what I shall vent to my lady. Shall I vent to her that thou art coming?

 

SEBASTIAN

I prithee, foolish Greek, depart from me. There’s money for thee (giving money). If you tarry longer, I shall give worse payment.

 

FOOL

By my troth, thou hast an open hand. These wise men that give fools money get themselves a good report—after fourteen years' purchase.
(fourteen years’ purchase=overpaying. The price of a piece of land was based on twelve-years’ rental)

Enter SIR ANDREWSIR TOBY BELCH, and FABIAN

 

SIR ANDREW

(to SEBASTIAN) Now, sir, have I met you again? There’s for you.

SIR ANDREW strikes SEBASTIAN

 

SEBASTIAN

(returning the blow) Why, there’s for thee, and there, and there. Are all the people mad?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Hold, sir, or I’ll throw your dagger o'er the house.

 

FOOL

(aside) This will I tell my lady straight. I would not be in some of your coats for two pence.

Exit

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(seizing SEBASTIAN) Come on, sir, hold!

 

SIR ANDREW

Nay, let him alone. I’ll go another way to work with him. I’ll have an action of battery against him if there be any law in Illyria. Though I struck him first, yet it’s no matter for that.

 

SEBASTIAN

(to SIR TOBY BELCH) Let go thy hand.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young soldier, put up your iron (sword). You are well fleshed (you have had your taste of fighting). Come on.

 

SEBASTIAN

I will be free from thee.

SEBASTIAN pulls free and draws his sword

What wouldst thou now? If thou darest tempt me further, draw thy sword.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

What, what? Nay, then I must have an ounce or two of this malapert blood from you.
malapert=impudent

SIR TOBY BELCH draws his sword. Enter OLIVIA

 

OLIVIA

Hold, Toby! On thy life I charge thee, hold!

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Madam!

 

OLIVIA

Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch,

Fit for the mountains and the barbarous caves,

Where manners ne'er were preach’d! Out of my sight!

Be not offended, dear Cesario.—

Rudesby, be gone!
Rudesby=ruffian

Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCHSIR ANDREW, and FABIAN

I prithee, gentle friend,

Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway

In this uncivil and unjust extent

Against thy peace. Go with me to my house

And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks

This ruffian hath botched up, that thou thereby

Mayst smile at this. Thou shalt not choose but go.

Do not deny. Beshrew his soul for me!
beshrew=curse

He started one poor heart of mine in thee.
started=roused
(Olivia’s heart has joined Cesario’s)

 

SEBASTIAN

(aside) What relish is in this (what does this mean)? How runs the stream?

Or I am mad, or else this is a dream.

Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep.
in Lethe steep=immerse in the underworld river of forgetfulness

If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep!

 

OLIVIA

Nay, come, I prithee. Would thou’dst be ruled by me!
(I wish thou would)

 

SEBASTIAN

Madam, I will.

 

OLIVIA

Oh, say so, and so be!

 

Exeunt


 

Act 4. Scene 2. Olivia’s house

 

Enter MARIA and FOOL

 

MARIA

Nay, I prithee, put on this gown and this beard. Make him believe thou art Sir Topas, the curate (parish priest). Do it quickly. I’ll call Sir Toby the whilst.
(A topaz was thought to be a cure for lunacy)
the whilst=in the meantime

Exit

 

FOOL

Well, I’ll put it on, and I will dissemble myself (create a false impression) in ’t, and I would (wish) I were the first that ever dissembled in such a gown.
(I wish I were the first person who ever told lies in a priest’s gown)

FOOL puts on gown and beard

I am not tall (large) enough to become the function [of a priest] well nor lean enough to be thought a good student, but to be said an honest man and a good housekeeper (solid citizen) goes as fairly as to say a careful (dutiful) man and a great scholar. The competitors (confederates) enter.
(priests were thought to be good eaters, and scholars were thought to starve)

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Jove bless thee, Master Parson.

 

FOOL

Bonos dies (good day), Sir Toby, for, as the old hermit of Prague (the Fool’s invention) that never saw pen and ink very wittily said to a niece of King Gorboduc, “That that is, is,” so I, being Master Parson, am Master Parson, for what is “that” but “that” and “is” but “is”?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

To him, Sir Topas.
(begin your attack on Malvolio)

 

FOOL

(disguising his voice) What ho, I say! Peace in this prison!

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

The knave counterfeits well. A good knave.

 

MALVOLIO

(from within) Who calls there?

 

FOOL

Sir Topas, the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio, the lunatic.

 

MALVOLIO

Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady—

 

FOOL

Out, hyperbolical fiend! How vexest thou this man! Talkest thou nothing but of ladies?
(Fool assumes that Malvolio is possessed by a fiend)

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

(aside) Well said, Master Parson.

 

MALVOLIO

Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged. Good Sir Topas, do not think I am mad. They have laid me here in hideous darkness.

 

FOOL

Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most modest terms, for I am one of those gentle ones that will use the devil himself with courtesy. Sayest thou that house is dark?

 

MALVOLIO

As hell, Sir Topas.

 

FOOL

Why, it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes (stone walls), and the clerestories (windows in the upper wall) toward the south-north are as lustrous as ebony, and yet complainest thou of obstruction?

 

MALVOLIO

I am not mad, Sir Topas. I say to you this house is dark.

 

 FOOL

Madman, thou errest. I say, there is no darkness but ignorance, in which thou art more puzzled than the Egyptians in their fog.
(Exodus 10:22, “And Moses stretched forth his hand toward heaven, and there was a black darkness in all the land of Egypt”)

 

MALVOLIO

I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though ignorance were as dark as hell, and I say, there was never man thus abused. I am no more mad than you are. Make the trial of it in any constant question (topic for rational discourse).

 

FOOL

What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wildfowl?
(Pythagoras believed that souls inhabit other animals)

 

MALVOLIO

That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird.

 

FOOL

What thinkest thou of his opinion?

 

MALVOLIO

I think nobly of the soul and no way approve his opinion.

 

FOOL

Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness. Thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras ere I will allow of thy wits (grant that you are sane), and [I order you to] fear to kill a woodcock lest thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well.

 

MALVOLIO

Sir Topas, Sir Topas!

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

My most exquisite (accomplished) Sir Topas!

 

FOOL

Nay, I am for all waters (ready for anything - ?).

 

MARIA

Thou mightst have done this without thy beard and gown.

He sees thee not.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

[Go] To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how thou findest him. I would we were well rid of this knavery. If he (Malvolio) may be conveniently delivered, I would he were, for I am now so far in offense with my niece that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport to the upshot (conclusion). Come by and by to my chamber.

Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA

 

FOOL (sings in his own voice)

   Hey, Robin, jolly Robin,

   Tell me how thy lady does.

 

MALVOLIO

Fool!

 

FOOL

(sings) My lady is unkind, perdy (per Dieu – by God).

 

MALVOLIO

Fool!

 

FOOL

(sings) Alas, why is she so?

 

MALVOLIO

Fool, I say!

 

FOOL

(sings) She loves another. Who calls, ha?

 

MALVOLIO

Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at my hand, help me to a candle and pen, ink, and paper. As I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful to thee for ’t.

 

FOOL

Master Malvolio?

 

MALVOLIO

Ay, good fool.

 

FOOL

Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?
(how did you lose your wits)
(the five wits were fantasy, imagination, common sense, memory, and judgment)

 

MALVOLIO

Fool, there was never a man so notoriously abused. I am as well in my wits, Fool, as thou art.

 

 

FOOL

But as well? Then you are mad indeed, if you be no better in your wits than a fool.

 

MALVOLIO

They have here propertied me (stowed me away like property), keep me in darkness, send ministers (priests) to me—asses!—and do all they can to face (bully) me out of my wits.

 

FOOL

Advise you what you say. The minister is here. (in the voice of Sir Topas) Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore! Endeavor thyself to sleep, and leave thy vain bibble-babble.

 

MALVOLIO

Sir Topas!

 

FOOL

(as Sir Topas) Maintain no words with him, good fellow. (in his own voice) Who, I, sir? Not I, sir. God b' wi' you, good Sir Topas(as Sir Topas) Marry, amen. (in his own voice) I will, sir, I will.

 

MALVOLIO

Fool, fool, fool, I say!

 

FOOL

Alas, sir, be patient. What say you sir? I am shent (rebuked) for speaking to you.

 

MALVOLIO

Good fool, help me to some light and some paper. I tell thee, I am as well in my wits as any man in Illyria.

 

FOOL

Well-a-day that you were, sir.
(if only you were, sir)

 

MALVOLIO

By this hand, I am. Good fool, some ink, paper, and light, and convey what I will set down to my lady. It shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing of letter did [before].

 

FOOL

I will help you to ’t (to deliver it). But tell me true, are you not mad, indeed? Or do you but counterfeit?

 

MALVOLIO

Believe me, I am not. I tell thee true.

 

FOOL

Nay, I’ll ne'er believe a madman till I see his brains. I will fetch you light and paper and ink.

 

MALVOLIO

Fool, I’ll requite (repay) it in the highest degree. I prithee, be gone.

 

FOOL

(sings)

   I am gone, sir,

   And anon (soon), sir,

   I’ll be with you again,

   In a trice (moment),

   Like to the old Vice (a comic character from the morality plays),

   Your need to sustain (resist the devil),

   Who, with dagger of lath (wooden stick)

   In his rage and his wrath

   Cries, “Aha” to the devil,

   Like a mad lad.

   Pare thy nails, dad,
(Vice would threaten to trim the Devil’s nails with his dagger)

   Adieu, goodman devil.

 

Exit


 

Act 4. Scene 3. Olivia’s garden

 

Enter SEBASTIAN

 

SEBASTIAN

This is the air, that is the glorious sun.

This pearl she gave me, I do feel ’t and see ’t,

And, though ’tis wonder that enwraps me thus,

Yet ’tis not madness. Where’s Antonio, then?

I could not find him at the Elephant.

Yet there he was (had been), and there I found this credit (report):

That he did range the town to seek me out.

His counsel now might do me golden service.

For though my soul (reason) disputes well with my sense (senses)

That this may be some error, but no madness,

Yet doth this accident (chance occurrence) and flood (brimming over) of fortune

So far exceed all instance (precedent), all discourse (logic),

That I am ready to distrust mine eyes

And wrangle with my reason that persuades me

To any other trust but that I am mad—

Or else the lady’s mad. Yet if ’twere so,

She could not sway (manage) her house, command her followers (servants),

Take and give back affairs and their dispatch
(take affairs and give back dispatch=take business in hand and give instructions . . .)

With such a smooth, discreet, and stable bearing

As I perceive she does. There’s something in ’t

That is deceivable (deceptive). But here the lady comes.

Enter OLIVIA and PRIEST

 

OLIVIA

(to SEBASTIAN)

Blame not this haste of mine. If you mean well,

Now go with me and with this holy man

Into the chantry (chapel) [near]by. There, before him

And underneath that consecrated roof,

Plight me the full assurance of your faith,
(the ceremony here is the betrothal)

That my most jealous and too doubtful soul

May live at peace. He (the priest) shall conceal it

Whiles (until) you are willing it shall come to note (become public),

What time (at which time) we will our celebration (marriage) keep

According to my birth (social position). What do you say?

 

SEBASTIAN

I’ll follow this good man and go with you,

And, having sworn truth, ever will be true.

 

OLIVIA

Then lead the way, good father, and heavens so shine

That they may fairly note this act of mine.

 

Exeunt

Act 5

Act 5. Scene 1. Before Olivia’s house

 

Enter FOOL and FABIAN

 

FABIAN

Now, as thou lovest me, let me see his (Malvolio’s) letter.

 

FOOL

Good Master Fabian, grant me another request.

 

FABIAN

Anything.

 

FOOL

Do not desire to see this letter.

 

FABIAN

This is, to give a dog and in recompense desire my dog again.

Enter ORSINOVIOLACURIO, and lords

 

ORSINO

Belong you to the Lady Olivia, friends?

 

FOOL

Ay, sir, we are some of her trappings.

 

ORSINO

I know thee well. How dost thou, my good fellow?

 

FOOL

Truly, sir, the better for my foes and the worse for my friends.

 

ORSINO

Just the contrary. The better for thy friends.

 

FOOL

No, sir, the worse.

 

ORSINO

How can that be?

 

FOOL

Marry, sir, they (friends) praise me and make an ass of me, now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass, so that by my foes, sir, I profit in the knowledge of myself, and by my friends I am abused, so that, conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives (lips?) make your two affirmatives (mouths?), why then the worse for my friends and the better for my foes.

 

ORSINO

Why, this is excellent.

 

FOOL

By my troth, sir, no—[even] though it please you to be one of my friends.

 

ORSINO

(giving a coin)

Thou shalt not be the worse for me. There’s gold.

 

FOOL

But that (unless) it would be double-dealing, sir, I would you could make it (deal me) another.

 

ORSINO

O, you give me ill counsel.

 

FOOL

Put your grace (virtue) in your pocket (out of sight), sir, for this once, and let your flesh and blood obey it (the Fool’s counsel).

 

ORSINO

Well, I will be so much a sinner [as] to be a double-dealer.

There’s another (giving a coin).

 

FOOL (he has two coins but would like to have three)

Primo, secundo, tertio is a good play, and the old saying is, the third pays for all. The triplex, sir, is a good tripping measure, or the bells of Saint Bennet, sir, may put you in mind—one, two, three.

 

ORSINO

You can fool no more money out of me at this throw [of the dice]. If you will let your lady know I am here to speak with her and bring her along with you, it may awake my bounty further.

 

FOOL

Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come again. I go, sir, but I would not have you to think that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness, but, as you say, sir, let your bounty take a nap, I will awake it anon.

Exit

 

VIOLA

Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue me.

Enter ANTONIO and OFFICERS

 

ORSINO

That face of his I do remember well.

Yet, when I saw it last, it was besmeared

As black as Vulcan in the smoke of war.
Vulcan=blacksmith of the gods

A baubling (toy-like) vessel was he captain of,

For shallow draught and bulk unprizable (of slight value),
draught=depth of water a ship draws

With which such scatheful grapple (destructive battle) did he make

With the most noble bottom (ship) of our fleet

That very envy and the tongue of loss
very envy=even we his enemies
tongue of loss=voices of those of us he had defeated

Cried fame and honor on him.—What’s the matter?

 

FIRST OFFICER

Orsino, this is that Antonio

That took the Phoenix and her fraught (freight) from Candy (Crete),

And this is he that did the Tiger board

When your young nephew Titus lost his leg.

Here in the streets, desperate of shame and state (unattentive to his reputation and his status),

In private brabble (brawl) did we apprehend him.

 

VIOLA

He did me kindness, sir, drew [his sword] on my side,

But in conclusion put strange speech upon me.

I know not what ’twas but distraction (insanity).

 

ORSINO

Notable (notorious) pirate! Thou saltwater thief,

What foolish boldness brought thee to their mercies (into the hands of those),

Whom thou, in terms so bloody and so dear,

Hast made thine enemies?

 

ANTONIO

Orsino, noble sir,

Be pleased (permit) that I shake off these names you give me.

Antonio never yet was thief or pirate,

Though, I confess, on base and ground enough (evidence),

Orsino’s enemy. A witchcraft drew me hither.

That most ingrateful boy there by your side

From the rude sea’s enraged and foamy mouth

Did I redeem (rescue). A wreck past hope he was.

His life I gave him and did thereto add

My love, without retention (reservation) or restraint,

All his in dedication (dedicating all to him). For his sake

Did I expose myself, pure (purely) for his love,

Into (to) the danger of this adverse (hostile) town,

Drew [my sword] to defend him when he was beset (attacked),

Where being apprehended, his false cunning,

(Not meaning to partake with me in danger)
(having no intention of sharing with me in danger)

Taught him to face me out of his acquaintance (deny that he knew me)

And grew a twenty-years-removed thing
(behaved as if he hadn’t seen me for twenty years)

While one would wink, denied me mine own purse,
(in the twinkling of an eye)

Which I had recommended (committed) to his use

Not half an hour before.

 

VIOLA

How can this be?

 

ORSINO

(to ANTONIO) When came he to this town?

 

ANTONIO

Today, my lord, and for three months before,

No interim, not a minute’s vacancy,

Both day and night did we keep company.

Enter OLIVIA and attendants

 

ORSINO

Here comes the Countess. Now heaven walks on earth.

But for (as for) thee, fellow. Fellow, thy words are madness.

Three months this youth hath tended upon me,

But more of that anon. (to an officer) Take him aside.

 

OLIVIA

What would my lord, but that he may not have,

Wherein Olivia may seem serviceable?
(name what I can give you – except for what I cannot give (my love))

Cesario, you do not keep promise with me.

 

VIOLA

Madam?

 

ORSINO

Gracious Olivia—

 

OLIVIA

What do you say, Cesario?—Good my lord (please be silent so Caesario can speak)—

 

VIOLA

My lord would speak. My duty hushes me.

 

OLIVIA

If it be aught to (anything like) the old tune, my lord,

It is as fat and fulsome (gross and distasteful) to mine ear

As howling after music.

 

ORSINO

Still so cruel?

 

OLIVIA

Still so constant, lord.

 

ORSINO

What, to perverseness? You, uncivil lady,

To whose ingrate (ungrateful) and unauspicious altars

My soul the faithfull’st off'rings have breathed out

That e'er devotion tendered—what shall I do?

 

OLIVIA

Even what it please my lord that shall become him.
(whatever is not unbecoming)

 

ORSINO

Why should I not, had I the heart to do it,

Like to the Egyptian thief at point of death,
(in Ethiopica a ship captain attempts to kill his beloved before he and she are captured)

Kill what I love?—A savage jealousy

That sometimes savors nobly (has a noble quality). But hear me this:

Since you to non-regardance (disregard) cast [away] my faith,

And that (since) I partly know the instrument

That screws me from my true place in your favor,

Live you the marble-breasted (stony-hearted) tyrant still,

But this your minion (Caesario), whom I know you love,

And whom, by heaven I swear, I tender (regard) dearly,

Him will I tear out of that cruel eye

Where he sits crowned in his master’s (Orsino’s) spite.
(to his master’s annoyance)

Come, boy, with me. My thoughts are ripe in mischief:

I’ll sacrifice the lamb that I do love

To spite a raven’s heart within a dove.

 

VIOLA

And I, most jocund (happily), apt, and willingly,

To do (give) you rest a thousand deaths would die.

 

OLIVIA

Where goes Cesario?

 

VIOLA

After him I love

More than I love these eyes, more than my life,

More, by all mores (standards of behavior), than e'er I shall love wife.

If I do feign, you witnesses above (heavenly powers),

Punish my life for tainting of my love!

 

OLIVIA

Ay me, detested! How am I beguiled (deceived)!

 

VIOLA

Who does beguile you? Who does do you wrong?

 

OLIVIA

Hast thou forgot thyself? Is it so long?—

Call forth the holy father.

Exit an attendant

 

ORSINO

(to VIOLA)

Come, away!

 

OLIVIA

Whither, my lord?—Cesario, husband, stay.

 

ORSINO

Husband?

 

OLIVIA

Ay, husband. Can he that deny?

 

ORSINO

Her husband, sirrah?

 

VIOLA

No, my lord, not I.

 

OLIVIA

Alas, it is the baseness of thy fear

That makes thee strangle thy propriety.
strangle thy propriety=disown your identity as my husband

Fear not, Cesario. Take thy fortunes up.

Be that thou know’st thou art, and then thou art

As great as that thou fear’st (Orsino).

Enter PRIEST

O, welcome, father!

Father, I charge thee, by thy reverence,

Here to unfold (though lately we intended

To keep in darkness what occasion now

Reveals before ’tis ripe) what thou dost know

Hath newly passed between this youth and me.

 

PRIEST

A contract of eternal bond of love,

Confirmed by mutual joinder of your hands,

Attested by the holy close (meeting) of lips,

Strengthened by interchangement of your rings,

And all the ceremony of this compact

Sealed in my function (my authority), by my testimony,

Since when, my watch hath told me, toward my grave

I have traveled but two hours.

 

ORSINO

O thou dissembling cub! What wilt thou be

When time hath sowed a grizzle on thy case (sowed grey hair on your skin)?

Or will not else (otherwise) thy craft (craftiness) so quickly grow

That thine own trip shall be thine overthrow?
(a trip is a wrestling move)

Farewell and take her, but direct thy feet

Where thou and I henceforth may never meet.

 

VIOLA

My lord, I do protest—

 

OLIVIA

O, do not swear!

Hold (keep a) little faith, though thou hast too much fear.

Enter SIR ANDREW

 

SIR ANDREW

For the love of God, a surgeon! Send one presently (immediately) to Sir

Toby.

 

OLIVIA

What’s the matter?

 

SIR ANDREW

He has broke my head across and has given Sir Toby a bloody coxcomb, too. For the love of God, your help! I had rather than forty pound I were at home.

 

OLIVIA

Who has done this, Sir Andrew?

 

SIR ANDREW

The Count’s gentleman, one Cesario. We took him for a coward, but he’s the very devil incardinate (Sir Andrew’s slip for incarnate – in the flesh).

 

ORSINO

My gentleman, Cesario?

 

SIR ANDREW

'Od’s lifelings (by God’s little lives), here he is!—You broke my head for nothing, and that, that I did, I was set on to do ’t by Sir Toby.

 

VIOLA

Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you.

You drew your sword upon me without cause,

But I bespoke you fair (spoke courteously to you) and hurt you not.

 

SIR ANDREW

If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt me. I think you set nothing by a bloody coxcomb.

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and FOOL

Here comes Sir Toby halting (limping). You shall hear more. But if he had not been in drink, he would have tickled (chastised) you othergates (otherwise) than he did.

 

ORSINO

How now, gentleman? How is ’t with you?

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

That’s all one (no matter). [He] has hurt me, and there’s the end on ’t. (to

FOOL) Sot, didst see Dick Surgeon, sot?

 

FOOL

Oh, he’s drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone. His eyes were set (over the horizon=closed) at eight i' the morning.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Then, he’s a rogue and a passy-measures pavin. I hate a drunken rogue.
passy-measures pavin=dance – the dancers sway from side to side like drunks

 

OLIVIA

Away with him! Who hath made this havoc with them?

 

SIR ANDREW

I’ll help you, Sir Toby, because we’ll be dressed (have our wounds dressed) together.

 

SIR TOBY BELCH

Will you help?—An ass-head and a coxcomb and a knave, a thin-faced knave, a gull!

 

OLIVIA

Get him to bed, and let his hurt be looked to.

Exeunt FOOLFABIANSIR TOBY BELCH, and SIR ANDREW

Enter SEBASTIAN

 

SEBASTIAN

I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kinsman,

But, had it been the brother of my blood,

I must have done no less with wit and safety.

You throw a strange regard upon me, and by that
(you look at me strangely)

I do perceive it hath offended you.

Pardon me, sweet one, even for the vows

We made each other but so late ago (recently).

 

ORSINO

One face, one voice, one habit (outfit), and two persons!

A natural perspective, that is and is not!

 

SEBASTIAN

Antonio, O my dear Antonio!

How have the hours racked and tortured me

Since I have lost thee!

 

ANTONIO

Sebastian are you?

 

SEBASTIAN

Fear’st thou that, Antonio?

 

ANTONIO

How have you made division of yourself?

An apple, cleft in two, is not more twin

Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian?

 

OLIVIA

Most wonderful!

 

SEBASTIAN

(looking at VIOLA) Do I stand there? I never had a brother.

Nor can there be that deity in my nature

Of [being able to be] here and everywhere. I had a sister,

Whom the blind waves and surges have devoured.

Of charity (tell me out of kindness), what kin are you to me?

What countryman? What name? What parentage?

 

VIOLA

Of Messaline. Sebastian was my father.

Such a Sebastian was my brother, too,

So went he suited (clad in bodily form) to his watery tomb.

If spirits can assume both form and suit,

You come to fright us.

 

SEBASTIAN

A spirit I am, indeed,

But am in that dimension grossly clad

Which from the womb I did participate.
(my flesh is the same as when I was born)

Were you a woman, as the rest goes even,
(all else being equal)

I should my tears let fall upon your cheek

And say, “Thrice-welcome, drownèd Viola!”

 

VIOLA

My father had a mole upon his brow.

 

SEBASTIAN

And so had mine.

 

VIOLA

And died that day when Viola from her birth

Had numbered thirteen years.

 

SEBASTIAN

Oh, that record is lively in my soul!

He finished indeed his mortal act

That day that made my sister thirteen years.

 

VIOLA

If nothing lets (stands in the way) to make us happy both

But this my masculine usurped attire,

Do not embrace me till each circumstance

Of place, time, fortune, do cohere and jump

That I am Viola, which, to confirm,

I’ll bring you to a captain in this town,

Where lie my maiden weeds (clothes), by whose gentle help

I was preserved to serve this noble count.

All the occurrence of my fortune since

Hath been between this lady and this lord.

 

SEBASTIAN

(to OLIVIA) So comes it, lady, you have been mistook,

But nature to her bias drew in that.
(nature true to her nature corrected that)

You would have been contracted (betrothed) to a maid,

Nor are you therein, by my life, deceived.

You are betrothed both to a maid and man.

 

ORSINO

(to OLIVIA) Be not amazed. Right noble is his blood.

If this be so, as yet the glass seems true,
(a mirror provides an accurate reflection)

I shall have share in this most happy wreck.

(to VIOLA) Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times

Thou never shouldst love woman like to me.

 

VIOLA

And all those sayings will I overswear,

And those swearings keep as true in soul

As doth that orbèd (set in spheres) continent the fire
continent=containent (container)

That severs day from night.

 

ORSINO

Give me thy hand,

And let me see thee in thy woman’s weeds.

 

VIOLA

The captain that did bring me first on shore

Hath my maid’s garments. He, upon some action,

Is now in durance (prison) at Malvolio’s suit (instigation),

A gentleman and follower (servant) of my lady’s.

 

OLIVIA

He shall enlarge (free) him.

Enter FOOL with a letter and FABIAN

Fetch Malvolio hither,

And, yet, alas, now I remember me,

They say, poor gentleman, he’s much distract.

A most extracting frenzy of mine own

From my remembrance clearly banished his.

(to FOOL) How does he, sirrah?

 

FOOL

Truly, madam, he holds Beelzebub (the devil) at the staves' end (at a distance) as well as a man in his case may do. Has here writ a letter to you. I should have given ’t you today morning, but as a madman’s epistles (letters) are no gospels, so it skills not much when they are delivered.

 

OLIVIA

Open ’t, and read it.

 

FOOL

Look, then, to be well edified when the fool delivers the madman. (reads in artificial voice) “By the Lord, madam,”—

 

OLIVIA

How now? Art thou mad?

 

FOOL

No, madam, I do but read madness. An (if) your ladyship will have it as it ought to be, you must allow vox (an artificial voice).

 

OLIVIA

Prithee, read i' thy right wits.

 

FOOL

So I do, madonna. But to read his right wits is to read thus.

Therefore, perpend (ponder), my princess, and give ear.

 

OLIVIA

(giving the letter to FABIAN) Read it you, sirrah.

 

FABIAN

(reads)

“By the Lord, madam, you wrong me, and the world shall know it. Though you have put me into darkness and given your drunken cousin rule over me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as well as your Ladyship. I have your own letter that induced me to the semblance I put on, with the which (the letter) I doubt not but to do myself much right or you much shame. Think of me as you please. I leave my duty a little unthought of and speak out of my injury. The madly used Malvolio.”

 

OLIVIA

Did he write this?

 

FOOL

Ay, madam.

 

ORSINO

This savors not much of distraction.

 

OLIVIA

See him delivered, Fabian. Bring him hither.

Exit FABIAN

My lord, so please you, these things further thought on,

To think me as well a sister (sister-in-law) as a wife,

One day shall crown [with two marriages] the alliance on ’t, so please you,

Here at my house and at my proper cost.

 

ORSINO

Madam, I am most apt to embrace your offer.

(to VIOLA)

Your master quits you, and, for your service done him

So much against the mettle of your sex,

So far beneath your soft and tender breeding,

And since you called me “master” for so long,

Here is my hand. You shall from this time be

Your master’s mistress.

 

OLIVIA

(to VIOLA) A sister! You are she.

Enter FABIAN with MALVOLIO

 

ORSINO

Is this the madman?

 

OLIVIA

Ay, my lord, this same.

How now, Malvolio!

 

MALVOLIO

Madam, you have done me wrong,

Notorious wrong.

 

OLIVIA

Have I, Malvolio? No.

 

MALVOLIO

(handing a paper)

Lady, you have. Pray you, peruse that letter.

You must not now deny it is your hand.
hand=handwriting

Write from it [differently] if you can, in hand or phrase,

Or say ’tis not your seal, not your invention.

You can say none of this. Well, grant it, then,

And tell me, in the modesty of honor,

Why you have given me such clear lights of favor,
clear lights=sure signs

Bade me come smiling and cross-gartered to you,

To put on yellow stockings, and to frown

Upon Sir Toby and the lighter people?

And, acting this in an obedient hope,

Why have you suffered (allowed) me to be imprisoned,

Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest,

And made the most notorious geck (fool) and gull (dupe)

That e'er invention played on (victimized)? Tell me why.

 

OLIVIA

Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing,

Though, I confess, much like the character,

But, out of question, ’tis Maria’s hand,

And, now I do bethink me, it was she

First told me thou wast mad, then camest in smiling

And in such forms which here were presupposed

Upon thee in the letter. Prithee, be content.

This practice hath most shrewdly passed upon thee,
(this plot has maliciously tricked you)

But, when we know the grounds and authors of it,

Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge

Of thine own cause.

 

FABIAN

Good madam, hear me speak,

And let no quarrel nor no brawl to come

Taint the condition of this present hour,

Which I have wonder’d at. In hope it shall not.

Most freely I confess, myself and Toby

Set this device against Malvolio here,

Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts (characteristics)

We had conceived against him. Maria writ

The letter at Sir Toby’s great importance (insistence),

In recompense whereof he hath married her.

How with a sportful malice it was followed (carried through)

May rather pluck on laughter than revenge,

If that the injuries be justly weighed

That have on both sides passed.

 

OLIVIA

(to MALVOLIO) Alas, poor fool, how have they baffled thee!

 

FOOL

Why, “some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrown upon them.” I was one, sir, in this interlude, one Sir Topas, sir, but that’s all one. (imitating MALVOLIO) “By the Lord, fool, I am not mad.”—But do you remember? (imitating Malvolio) “Madam, why laugh you at such a barren rascal; an (if) you smile not, he’s gagged?” and thus the whirligig (spinning top) of time brings in his revenges.

 

MALVOLIO

I’ll be revenged on the whole pack of you.

Exit

 

OLIVIA

He hath been most notoriously abused.

 

ORSINO

Pursue him and entreat him to a peace.

Some exit

He hath not told us of the captain yet.

When that is known and golden time convents (suits),

A solemn combination (marriages) shall be made

Of our dear souls.—Meantime, sweet sister,

We will not part from hence. Cesario, come,

For so you shall be while you are a man,

But, when in other habits you are seen,

Orsino’s mistress (beloved) and his fancy’s (love’s) queen.

Exeunt all, except FOOL

 

FOOL

(sings)

When that I was and a little tiny boy,

With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,

A foolish thing was but a toy,
foolish thing=mischief

For the rain it raineth every day,

But, when I came to man’s estate,

With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,

'Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate,
(men shut their gates against me)

For the rain it raineth every day.

But when I came, alas! to wive,

With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,

By swaggering could I never thrive,

For the rain it raineth every day,

But, when I came unto my beds (old age?),

With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,

With toss-pots (drunkards) still [I] had drunken heads,

For the rain it raineth every day.

A great while ago the world begun,

With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,

But that’s all one, our play is done,

And we’ll strive to please you every day.

 

Exit